Snapshots of life

Hate u ma....

2012-01-10T17:30:00.000-08:00

arif is in yr 2. 2nd week of school and definitely there's homework to do. when asked..."arif ada homework?" jawapan biasa, "no ma". mama is not the one easily fooled with that kind of statement from dear son. Checked his bag and all his books. "Arif, ni ada homework...", pointing some of his books. Jom! Dragged him to the table and carry his books and pencil case. Arif is now so muncung cos have to let go his game he was focussing before mama making a fuss about his homework. "mama, the table is so sticky. see...the book cover is stuck on the table," showing mama how displease he was with the situation. No problem Arif, mama said. I spread the table cloth on the table. "no more sticky table. now do your homework!" With that fatal glare and droop at the end of his mouth...."hate u when u are right mama..." I love u too arif. heheheh....

the rest of the session was full of tricks, like...."ma, i cant control myself. my hand is shaking...i cant write...seeeeeee....."(right hands trembling, shaking. his left hand holding his right..) "Arif u watched too much cartoons!Finish your homework!" another fatal stare from dear son...

I am plastic man

2012-01-08T03:20:00.000-08:00

Kenapa....kenapa tak suka guna signal? Ramai sungguh motorists kat malaysia ni pemalas, tak suka guna or tak reti guna signal bila memandu. Depa ingat org lain ni mind reader ke? Signal tu bukan pre paid......FREE ok! Sangat geram bila kita tunggu nak melintas simpang, tunggu dia lepas....tetiber belok masuk simpang! Boleh???? Rasanya uols pun biasa terkena. Masa tu sangat wish that im plastic man...stretch my hand and grab him by the neck....on the spot ajar penggunaan asas signal kereta. I dont mind sharing ilmu ni uols....untuk yg bebal2 ni.

Happiness or sorrow is an option

2012-01-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

When u r at the lowest in yr life and seems helpless with no way to go, what wd u do? Seek guidance and doa as much as u can for Allah SWT to extend His blessing to you. Sabar and tawakal. Redha. You have a choice to endure it as long as u can or u finds ways to resolve the problems. Learning the value of being patience. Understand the underlying message and appreciate the experience. But then, there must be effort to solve the issue. Sabar is not about berserah saja....mesti usaha cari penyelesaian. Stay positive. Still, only u can make yrself happy and of course, dengan izinNya.

Somehow, looking at life and its packaged sorrows we tend to become angry and asked ourselves, why me??? blaming others wd be another approach when handling dissapointement to ease that sorrow. Denial wd also become an option. But the problem still lingers on. Worrying abt it is eating u slowly bit by bit and soon yr health will be affected. U can talk about it with someone whom u can trust but If u r not the one who prefers talking abt it with others, then what? Then, nothing. Handle it alone and try to stay sane?

There is balance in life. on a positive note, choose to look at life happiness...those joyous and wonderful moments. Dont worry so much. If u spend so much time lingering around negative issues, makes life burdened with sorrow and for all u know u will leave with so much hate and disgust in yr heart. U might 'come back' as a disturbed spirit due to unsettled issues....(who knows)....and seek vengeance at those who brought unhappiness into yr life....(can ar????)

I like this phrase....'life is short....buy that shoes!'

Aku pembayar cukai tegar

2012-01-04T09:02:00.000-08:00

Tak pandai cakap pasal politik sebab org politik lagi pandai. Tak pandai cakap pasal ekonomi sebab the economists lagi pandai. Pandai jadi rakyat biasa yang tiap2 bulan kena potong cukai and come april every year kena lagi. Malam ni tgk berita, polis malaysia buat pc on their success cegah edaran shabu worth rm650 juta and ice rm2.5juta. Tu dia! Jutaan ringgit nyah! Itu mak like. Itu news i want to know. Macam ni, tak pe bayar cukai tiap2 bulan for the police to nab the org jahat.

Afdlin and harun masuk umno pun org bising. Keluar pulak paper utusan gitu....kempen populariti la apa lgi. Ramai la take advantage of this kan? Depa ni ramai followers pastinya will bring positive image serba sedikit to image umno yang tak berapa nak relevant dengan the younger generation. Biarla...depa nak declare jadi ahli umno ke apa ke apa ke, yang lain sibuk apasal? Stock market jatuh ke pasal ni? Aku kena potong cukai juga tiap2 bulan. Nothing change, ok. Tapi kalau pemimpin politik kita nak jadi peserta raja lawak season baru ni, itu baru news value! After all depa ni pun banyak buat lawak sekarang....macam sesuai pulak jadi peserta.

Talking about popularity, UPSI semakin popular. Budak2 UPSI yang tgh ngelegak buat demo tu melatah apa pulak? Macam tak cukup kasih sayang depa ni, itu yang kena seek attention. Lagi banyak flash kamera, lagi kuat jerit...lagi banyak lense kamera hala ke muka mamat tu (apa ntah namanya, muka jambu....perangai mcm jam.....) lagi berkobar dia! Kesian sungguh la tak pasal2 UPSI jadi tersangat popular. Insititusi perguruan yang melahirkan ramai tokoh nasionalis kini bergolak dgn budak2 seeking for kebebasan mahasiswa....what the? Bebas mender? Ni peserta lawak berkumpulan yer?Bebaskan diri bayar PTPTN tu dek non oi! Mak bapak suruh belajor adik2 oi....!

Crazy December

2011-12-28T22:56:00.000-08:00

Bulan ni, crazy month...work, family and friends.

work - after months of preparation and waiting and waiting for the green light, got it from the minister's office when i was in JB. ok, the launch event will be held in less than 5 days! invitations to be sent, confirmation on venue, the media, the speeches, event, launch gimmick, etc....gila sehhhhh....i am fortunate that i have a wonderful team. everybody knows what to do and the boss was happy with the outcome. the event went well and it received very good media coverage. worth it with the vertigo and all.

family - alhamdulillah syukur kepada Allah SWT. Marsya did well in her pmr, 7As 1B. one subject, she is not happy with the result but mama is delighted and proud just the same. she was crying the nite before, worried and anxious, nervous....u name it! dear hubby and i accompanied her to school but kept our distance. tears of joy from ayah and mama when she shared her results slip. another step to becoming a doctor, dear marsya.

- atikah is still trying to adjust with her new life in UiTM. complaining about the distance she has to endure from hostel to faculty and other classes. not used to using her own 2 feet to move from one place to another. pampered, u bet! mama can only lend her ears. shah alam campus is far bigger and those days, walking is the only way for u to get where u want to go or else how can mama have that slim legs and tight butt...hehehe... (but atikah sure is tanned. she's going to sulk reading this...hahaha)

friends - was in ipoh for some work. ipoh is still the same...they say that ipoh town on some days there are traffic jams...perhaps at the traffic lights...heheh..."hari-hari tak jam, sesekali jam. so much different with KL, hari2 jam, sesekali je tak jam....and that is sangat pelik". took the opportunity to meet friends from former school. methodist girls school, ipoh. the last i met them was in 1978....33 years! long time eh? was there for 2 years before i left for petaling jaya for my form 3 and the rest of my school years. some who attended the gathering still look the same though i cant recall their names. but it was pleasant and we had a blast, tak kira la ingat nama or not. They also cant remember who i was. so....no hal apa....

stopped at the school on way back to KL. i like that warm fuzzy feeling...aahhh...

Wahai pemimpin...

2011-08-22T23:30:00.000-07:00

was sharing with anak mami....why does our politicians love to politicitize all issues that ever cropped up in this little country of ours. dari isu pasal agama, sosial, ekonomi...semua la....yang bergaduhnya penyokong-penyokong atau the rakyat. masyarakat berpecah belah, berpuak-puak. dah tak kuasa nak baca paper. itu belum lagi pasal umat islam yang murtad. pasal anak2 Islam tahun satu yang diajar lagu kristian. bila semua are out in the open semua salahkan each other. cabar mencabar, saman menyaman macam makan kacang je sekarang ni. isu tak selesai juga. pemerintah dan pembangkang sama saja. langsung tak boleh berkompromi untuk kebaikan rakyat. sekarang ni ego lebih penting daripada segala-galanya.

sekarang ni nak tanya.......yang meletakkan mereka in power tu siapa??? amanah yang diberikan ialah untuk menjaga kepentingan rakyat bukannya kepentingan kedudukan politik masing2.

jangan buat kami the rakyat macam tak tahu apa-apa. terima saja apa yang disogokkan dalam media, and dont lie to us.

kami perhati, kami timbang, kami nilai...

kami hanya mahu hidup tenang dan tenteram mencari rezeki yang tak seberapa ni (namun alhamdulillah...) di tanah air sendiri tanpa perlu going through our daily lives as spectators to the various dramas by our leaders. perhaps our leaders does not realise this that we the rakyat kini sedang berhempas pulas untuk cuba hidup dalam negeri sendiri, kami yang terus menerus berperang dengan kos kehidupan yang semakin meningkat.

im not a political analyst nor a strategist, but i do have a say and so far im not happy with how this country is being run. same goes with the opposition, the confidence for them is not there yet. if for once, they would stop bickering and finding fault with each other and really work together for the betterment of the rakyat and the country....bukan ke itu lebih afdal? check and balance at its glory.

nilai kemanusiaan semakin menipis agaknya dan nilai ini amat penting untuk seorang pemimpin. kepentingan diri sendiri tidak ada langsung dalam diri. berkhidmat untuk the rakyat dan semuanya dengan tulus ikhlas tanpa mengharapkan balasan. kepuasan apabila dapat membantu.....mungkin nilai ini tak relevan kini.

seperti riak muka seorang pemuda yang dapat saya tonton menerusi rakaman video selepas perhimpunan Bersih 9 julai lalu (tidak pasti bangsanya, namun paras seperti melayu). jalan kini lengang....tiada lagi abang FRU, tiada lagi abang polis, tiada lagi the rakyat yang berarak...tiada lagi kereta polis, ambulans, pancuran air kimia...lengang dan tenang. yang ada hanya la botol-botol air, sampah sarap yang bersepah di sepanjang jalan. pemuda ini, kepala tunduk ke jalan, begitu tekun mencari dan mengutip botol kosong dan sampah di sepanjang jalan dan memasukkan ke dalam plastik yang dibawa bersama atau mencampakkan saja ke dalam tong sampah yang berhampiran, jika ada, bersendirian.....pasti tidak ada pihak yang mengupahnya. pasti juga bukan pekerja dbkl. tapi riak muka yang penuh ikhlas, tekun dan seolah-olah menjadikan tugas mengutip sampah sebagai tanggungjawabnya semata-mata, sumbangan mulianya...semua itu jelas terpancar pada wajah. itu lah keikhlasan sebenarnya, sebagai seorang manusia...

arif posa....bertatih

2011-08-10T07:57:00.000-07:00

arif mula belajar puasa tahun ni. last year, zero days. selamba je bawak bekal pi tadika. psycho man-man pun tak jalan. hopefully tahun ni, ada progress sikit.

1st attempt. maka bangunla sahur anak bongsu hamba ni....makan le sesuap dua, dalam pejam. balik sekolah, jelepek...lembik langsung terlelap. ponteng sekolah agama. 5.30, the maid called, mengadu arif nangis2 nak buka posa....."maaaaaa..........arif rasa nak mati ni....." ooii...drama king...tak de Tuhan bagi mati orang yang puasa arif.... "maaaaaa......" nangis lagi...."sayang betul arif, sekejap je lagi nak buka posa....," mama cuba pujuk. arif dah tak mau bercakap, menangis je...all the way. told the maid, bagi arif minum susu and bagi la makan apa dia nak....

arif makan banyak hari tu...

parking oh parking...

2011-08-04T22:15:00.000-07:00

saturdays wd normally be my day of melepak at my lepak kingdom at my home sweet home. but anak2 ada plan tersendiri. mengatur itu ini. mama nak itu, mama nak ini. mama, jom pegi sana, mama jom pegi sini....aaaahhhh.....anak2....layaaaannnn...walaupun badan dah angkat bendera putih, berkibar tinggi, surrender.....

sunway pyramid on saturday afternoon. for those of you who are familiar with that shopping complex can imagine the traffic to get there and the difficulty in getting a parking spot. but then....anak2 tak peduli masalah logistik ni. coz, mama is driving...yeaaayyyyy!!!!!

off we went to sunway pyramid on that one saturday afternoon. traffic? Yarabbi...sesak! bergerak macam siput babi! in situation like this i wd normally have this set in my mind that there will be a parking spot for us, easy! Finally reached the parking zone, punyalah ramai kereta berderet, berebut sana sini, simpang siur. but, within 3 minutes, we got a parking spot, tersorok sikit tempatnya, alhamdulillah...set yr mind on it, u get it! insyaAllah. masa nak keluar keta, there was also one more empty spot next to us. other drivers meninjau2, tapi tak mau masuk our parking area. Ajak anak2 buat benda baik that afternoon, walaupun agak biul caranya. we decided to wave to other drivers indicating that empty space. we were practically jumping and waving. Dotter asked, "ma, perlu ke???? dah macam orang gila je melompat and lambai kat parking lot ni???" "Ala sesekali buat kerja gila pun apa salahnya. Niat kita nak tolong, ikhlas." Finally, a driver of one black alphard saw us and the driver smiled and nodded thanking us for our 'crazy' effort. Anak2 kata..."hmmm....that felt good." yup....

fast forward...3 days later. i was late to a meeting and getting a parking spot at Pertama Complex was tough that day. i did not expect it. berapa round dah pusing parking ni????? final round, one gentleman walking to his car and saw me tertinjau2. i was looking at him pleading and hoping his car is nearby. He lightly pointed to his car nearby....Yessssss.....ada parking.....!!! Alhamdulillah.... kami tak payah cakap apa pun. 'bermain mata je.....' Dia pun keluarkan keretanya from that parking space for me to park my cute car.

his car....black alphard.

Rindunya....

2011-07-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

pagi tu, isnin...ahli-ahli rumah disekeliling kami sibuk menguruskan keluarga masing-masing. mana yang nak ke sekolah, nak pergi kerja....kereta lalu lalang, bas, van sekolah...sibuk, bising dengan aktiviti seperti hari-hari isnin selalunya. kami adik beradik bersusun duduk di tangga depan rumah. mak dengan bapak bersiap-siap meletakkan barang-barang ke dalam kereta...memesan itu ini dengan anak-anak yang bakal ditinggalkan beberapa hari sepeninggalan ke kuala lumpur menghantar kak cik ke ITM. kak cik dapat sambung belajar dalam jurusan interior design. kak cik memang pandai pasal mengemas rumah, tukar susun atur perabot sana sini, melukis pun tahap hebat, menang pertandingan peringkat negeri. maknanya, terrer le. bukan macam aku, katam lukis orang lidi je. tak pernah ku dengar masa tu ada kursus macam tu. maklum saja baru darjah 6, tahu apa pun? "mak nak ikut..." aku merengek dengan harapan dapat menjejakkan kaki ke KL. 'hish...kamu ni, bukan nak pergi main kat sana", mak melarang..."alaaaa...boleh le mak, tuang sekolah dua hari je...tak pernah pegi kelumpor." aku cuba lagi. mana tau mak tukar fikiran. "udah le...kamu dah le tak pegi sekolah hari ni. nanti kamu dah kerojer esok, boleh pegi kolumpor", kata putus mak...permintaan tak lulus. masam mencuka aku lepas tu. bila agak semua dah selesai, barang-barang tersusun dalam kereta, kami adik beradik bersalam-salaman dengan mak, bapak, kak cik sebelum mereka memulakan perjalanan. "hah, yati...jaga adik-adik kamu tu. mak pegi tak lama. lusa balik", pesan mak kat kakak sulung kami. "ye la.." kakak mengangguk.

aku masih berat hati, lebih kepada menjeruk rasa sebab tak dapat ikut ke KL. lambaian mak, bapak dan kak cik kepada kami yang masih bersusun di situ, di tangga rumah.

kakak dan beberapa rakan kak cik yang masih tinggal menyambung kerja-kerja mengemas, sisa daripada kenduri doa selamat malam tadi. pinggan mangkuk yang hendak dicuci, keadaan rumah yang masih berselerak. semua ada tugas masing-masing dan kedengaran sesekali gelak ketawa di antara mereka. aku, melayan fikiran sendiri, membuat apa yang patut. bukan pandai pun pasal kerja-kerja rumah ni sebab kakak ada. setakat tolong angkat itu ini selepas disuruh kakak. lebih baik pergi belakang rumah, kait mempelam, lagi sedap. pokok mempelam dengan buah-buah yang sedang meranum. antara yang terbaik pernah ku rasa sepanjang hayatku. boleh cicah dengan kicap nanti. "uissshhhh....kecor ayor lior."

"assalamualaikum", kedengaran beberapa kali suara seorang lelaki memberi salam. aku menjenguk. kelihatan dua orang anggota polis di tangga. "dik, nak tumpang tanya, ini rumah Cikgu Ghazali?" aku mengangguk. "ada sesiapa orang tua di rumah? mak saudara ke? siapa ke?" "tak de. kakak ada la", aku menjawab. "tolong panggil kakak la". aku terus berlari ke dalam mendapatkan kakak. apa yang bakal dikhabarkan kepada kami adik beradik oleh dua anggota polis selepas itu, mengubah hidup kami dengan sekelip mata. hanya kurang dari tiga jam tadi, kami telah mencium tangan mak, bapak, memeluk erat kak cik. kini, mereka telah tiada. mereka kemalangan dengan lori yang membawa motosikal di tanjung malim. mak dan bapak meninggal dunia di tempat kejadian. kak cik....koma, dan meninggal dunia tiga hari kemudian.

hari ini, 5 Julai 2011, genap 35 tahun mak, bapak dan kak cik meninggalkan kami. setiap hari ingat kepada mereka. mak dengan spek mata rim hitam, kebaya kota bahru pendek, berdiri di belakang meja kerja di kedai jahitnya. bapak dengan kereta mazda hijau, berspek gelap, rambut tersisir rapi, segak dan bergaya. kak cik....berang bila rumah bersepah, mewarna lukisan dengan tekun, geram membelah bamboo dengan parang bila ukirannya tak menjadi seperti yang dia mahu....haih..rindunya...

semoga roh mak, bapak dan kak cik ditempatkan bersama-sama orang-orang yang mukmin.

Al-Fatihah....

Sangat la melting nyer

2011-04-20T07:43:00.000-07:00

"Arif u got homework today?" my daily question to Arif, my youngest. He is in Year 1.

"Yes", he said.

"Pegi la buat homework". Cuba pujuk dengan nada paling lembut dekad ini.

"Ala mama, buat homework, so tired la ma..." anak cuba berdalih. Sangat selesa melepak dengan mama on the bed, snuggling his mama.

"U know what Arif, your class teacher said, Arif ni nakal, selalu tak buat homework". Anak diam bila dengar bonda yang penuh kasih sayang ni berbicara.

"and your teacher said, if Arif does not do his homework, she is going to denda mama and ayah". Anak diam lagi.

"Your teacher said, she is going to let mama and ayah stand in the hot sun. U know how hot the sun is kan?" anak mengangguk tanda setuju.

"You and my father will melt", he said.....

"yes my son, we will melt."

Arif bingkas bangun turun ke bawah and reached for his books. Buat homework. Minutes later, "Ma, homework dah siap!"

hmmm....that seems to work. Alhamdulillah....

...and we live happily ever after....

2011-04-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

sedih betul scan newspaper semalam. tak payah baca sebenarnya, tengok gambar pun dah meraung hiba. malu nak teruskan baacan sebab dah tau apa citernya. A picture say a 1000 words? indeed. a man and a young woman in towels. in a hazily lit room. cheh! tak de kelas langsung dok citer pasal politician kita yang kononnya menjalinkan hubungan terlarang. macam la yang lain baik macam malaikat! kalau betul nak tunjuk, kasi tunjuk semua la...ni muka mamat tu blur pulak. tak faham sungguh la strategi strategist2 ni. misteri le konon. sudah2 le wei...who ever yang upload video tu! publisiti murahan tahap lebih gaban dari gaban wa cakap lu.....!

kenapa la our local media take up the story and made it front page? why oh..why...? integriti media dipersoalkan. agaknya attention is given sebab kalau kita tahu who that man in question, akan memantapkan ekonomi negara, akan menurunkan harga petrol, akan menurunkan harga ayam...ataupun tak perlu bayar tax lagi dan rakyat jelata akan live happily ever after....

pilihanraya umum semakin dekat agaknya and now is the elimination phase. Kill...kill....Kill....!!!!!

p.s. today's editorial pages. pages tau bukan column! ada ulasan pulak pasal gambar semalam tu. ramai sungguh la nak bagi pendapat. kagum betul dengan keperihatinan sesetengah pihak pasal isu ni.

marvelous monday .....NOT!!!!!

2011-04-04T04:19:00.000-07:00

nothing seems to go right today. my morning to work was greeted with a traffic jam. belum masuk hiway lagi. dah sesak. terhegeh2...... damn#1.

sepanjang perjalanan, ramai juga male drivers yang bawak kete slow macam siput. kalau agak nak kerja bawak keta macam betul nak pegi kerja. ni macam nak makan gaji buta! who is that MP yang kata female drivers are slow and the cause of many road congestion?????? damn #2!

at work...aaarrggghhhh..!!!! memacam pasal. meeting yang menyakitkan rongga telinga dan menepukan fikiran. tambah pulak big boss kasi beberapa das to yrs truly...lagi macam nak tikam je sape yang buat lawak bodoh hari ni! Yup.....im getting physical. damn...#3! double damn!!!

and why is this headache tak mau lega2...???? makan panadol dah berapa round. dalam keta nak balik tadi dah telan 2 biji. lega sekejap...mai balik. panadol ciplak ke? last weekend was a lousy one. spent my saturday mostly sleeping. sunday, went out with anak2, tgk wayang....(citer pun bosan, melayan arif je sebenarnya. dapat pulak org sebelah buka kasut...semerbak bau sepanjang wayang. ishh...kalau tak sebab bawak anak, mau ku pelangkong je budak ni! sakit kepala wa!!!!)...balik rumah...wa lepak lagi kat katil. lelap lagi. selalunya, my headache will bye2 after a short nap. kalau pi doktor, sure kata....'aaahhh...stress ni...' semua stress. wa tak stress, ok. damn#4!

apasal negatif banyak sangat ni? selalunya negatif ni sekejap saja menyapa. cepat2 brush it away and focus on the positive side of things. bersangka baik is always my approach. selalunya macam switch on and off je. this time,....agak sesak dan hampir kalah.....damn#5!!!!

really hope a better day tomorrow. positive aura...happier mood....a terrific tuesday....(not a terrible tuesday...heeeyyyy....!!!!!! negative...negative....).

or perhaps...that kacip fatimah capsules i am taking right now....wa panas!!!!!!!!!!!!......hmmmm....

Kita boleh ke? Sangat......

2011-03-27T08:23:00.000-07:00

cuba pikir....dalam tempoh 20 tahun ni apa yang telah kita buat? sekolah....masuk u/kolej/institut..lepas tu habis belajar....cari kerja....dapat kerja, lepas tu gedik nak kawin. maka on pursuit to cari your life time partner. dah jumpa, kawin..start family. Anak2 pun semakin membesar dan semakin demanding. Sungguh mencabar hidup zaman material ni. cepat je habis citer kan? sebab semua berkisar di sekelilig kita yang pastinya kat malaysia je. 20 tahun dikisahkan tidak sampai 3 line....sempoi kan? Sangat....

cuba pikir pulak, dalam tempoh 20 tahun, macam-macam kerja dilakukan. pelbagai majikan menjadi tempat kita mempelajari selok belok perniagaan. sekeliling mungkin berkata, asyik tukar kerja je...tidak tetap pendirian. (peduli apa kan? happy heart i la...) dah tu, kita merantau. mencari pengalaman, mencari rezeki di negeri orang. macam seorang usahawan yang baru saya kenali. bukan tidak ada cara senang selepas graduate cari kerja dan berkerjaya di mesia saja, tapi telah mengambil keputusan untuk bekerja biasa2 di negara orang utuk mencari pengalaman. lagipun duit kita ni pun bukannya tinggi sangatpun nilainya. kalau kerja kat UK pun cantik juga. Nilai matawang pada suatu ketika dulu 8 kali ganda dengan ringgit malaysia. pergghhh!!!!! apa yang penting work hard guna kederat yang ada untuk cari rezeki and jangan putus asa. buat tiga kerja dalam satu masa. orang yang berani dan gila je akan buat kerja gila macam ni. did i mention, berani? lepas tu, pegi negara lain pulak, supply barang2 mewah yang menjadi gilaan pompuan2 yg suka branded handbags. meeting that demands pun boleh hidup sebab ramai juga customers yang suka benda2 ni.

after a few years overseas, balik malaysia, buat kerja lain pulak. kalau dah kebal overseas dengan tekanan yang pasti tahap luar biasa, setakat kat mesia ni, kacang je kot. kat mesia ni, kena pandai cari peluang sebab peluang memang banyak. rata2 pun orang kita pun ramai malas. tunggu kena suap and dapat subsidi pun boleh hidup dah. kerajaan manjakan kita dengan bab2 ni dan jadi faktor penggalak juga kepada budaya makan bersuap ni. seronok apa....kita pun ada adat bersuap-suap masa jadi pengantin dulu....criss cross tangan pengantin nak suap suami/isteri dengan tepuk sorak kaum keluarga di atas kemesraan kedua-dua pengantin, walaupun malu2 tapi buat juga....eh sama le pulak dengan budaya suap kat mesia ni, malu memang ada, tapi buat juga suka2...

dalam nak capai kejayaan duniawi ni, memang ramai dengki. biasalah kita ni semua boleh. kalau setakat nak berdengki kat orang lagi la boleh kan? sangat! santau, bomoh siam, poison letter, and the latest....video sensasi...hish!!!!...tersangat la terrernya org kita, hah tu dia! boleh ke tak boleh? boleh sangat.........!

tapikan, balik pada citer usahawan balik dari overseas tu. ingatkan tekanan di overseas maha hebat, tapi kat mesia, sikit punya ke petala ke sembilan lagi dahsyat tekanannya. daripada bersaing dengan manusia yang mental yang mahu berjaya hanya dengan jalan pintas, kabel besar dan payung besar, sebesar khemah kenduri, lebih baik mancari cara untuk berbakti menerusi penyebaran ilmu kehidupan. sekurang-kurangnya....membantu anak2 muda menempa laluan agar tidak banyak membuat kesilapan dan tidak mudah menjadi generasi bersuap, berkabel dan berpayung besar. lebih suka berusaha sendiri. bukan ke itu yang sepatutnya kita lakukan sebagai umat Allah Taala ni?

so, apa yang kita dah lakukan dalam tempoh 20 tahun ni? kalau rasanya, 3 ayat je dah boleh rangkumkan semuanya....about time to do something kan? sangat!

ini lebih kepada mencabar diri sendiri daripada orang lain sebenarnya.....

senja permai di kampung belangkas permai

2011-03-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

senja itu, aku bagai nak rak (kenapa rak? sangat xtreme....rak buku, rak kasut, rakit...? rakus???....etc...) teringatkan cinta hati pengarang jantung ku yang baru ku kenali dua minggu lalu. bagaimana awang boleh mendapat gelaran paling istimewa pernah aku kurniakan kepada org lelaki. sebelum ini, paling hebat pun aku bagi pakwe . awang sangat hebat...ibarat dewa yang turun dari kayangan menebar renjisan sakti memanah siapa saja yang memandangnya. dan aku telah memandangnya.....ahh sudah! terkena panahan matanya yang menikam kalbu. ayik..asyik..asyik....(lagu amelina yang pernah popular satu ketika dulu....) padan muka aku....???? rezeki aku???

arif....sjmc again

2011-03-12T16:42:00.000-08:00

nebuliser twice a day.....anak ayah.....sakit pun mcm ayah

arif masuk hospital lagi....kali ni, demam panas mengganas. i was in kuantan on work and this time ayah handled the whole anak sakit incident. jadi citer, arif muntah dalam van sekolah (kesian tok imam nak kena cuci van sebelum amik budak2 for the next trip...), kaki tangan biru and sejuk, so weak.....my maid dah panic. bawak pegi hospital serdang, tunggu kat hospital serdang dekat 3 jam belum jumpa doktor lagi. i said, take him to sjmc...and situ kejap je dah jumpa doktor and atas nasihat doktor...warded. marsya voluntered to spend the nite wt arif kat hospital. esok, onwards, mama's turn. 2 malam kat kerusi maleh ni....from the comfort of vistana kuantan's comfy bed and extra comfy pillows....to kerusi maleh hospital. Adoyai....tapi anak punya pasal, kerusi maleh pun kerusi maleh le...what's important, arif sihat. mama sakit belakang...cari tukang urut terhandal satu malaya (hah!...telan pain killer pun ok juga).

muka bosan nak balik

after 4 days, arif merengek nak balik. hopefully hari ni boleh balik....mama pulak rasa nak demam. no..no..no....mama cannot demam...postpone demam till next change!

Please be careful

2011-03-07T07:59:00.000-08:00

pagi tadi bawak keta macam biasa (100 - 110 speed limit) and i took the putrajaya-cyberjaya stretch to take MEX highway to work. the putrajaya-cyberjaya stretch is common for speeding, amongst motorists who take that stretch, like yours truly juga kadang2. although longer route to KL, it is easier and shorter time. tak sampai seminit taking that road, saw a policeman diverting traffic. unsual sight coz not many motorits take this stretch unless u work in putrajaya. slowed down the car and what i saw at the right lane was a lifeless body, all bloodied, clothes all torn, less a leg...berkecai from torso down, mere black plastic bag to cover half of his body. just a glimpse but our brain are created to capture such sight, almost with photographic precision, and yes, it is still clear in my mind. no body stopped. just the police man. about 20 meters away...tyre marks strecthed across the road and i saw, a KLIA limo...dengan tayar pecah and bengkok, hood depan kemek and the limo driver was sitting at the railing dengan kepada tunduk ke bawah. not far, satu motosikal kapcai remuk ya amat lying by the roadside....

that sight slowed me down, slowed most the motorists down. yang bebal dan bangang je would keep on speeding. gigil, unable to shake off what i saw. sesal dan kesian bukan sikit2. if the man was a muslim, al-fatihah disedekahkan. semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang mukmin. cant help but continuously imagining how his last few seconds hidup di bumi Allah. Semoga his death was a quick one and he did not suffer.

his death....someone lost a brother, a son, a husband, a father, a cousin, a friend, an uncle, a neighbour....

please be careful to all my dear ones...my doa mengiringi semua...semoga sentiasa dilindungi Allah swt.

ami is married now

2011-02-02T08:37:00.000-08:00

a new chapter in life for ami...

ami should be going for her honeymoon esok, in kk. im sure she is very happy at the moment. tak sampai seminggu bernikah dengan amirul. inai masih merah di jari. sengih sampai ke telinga masih berterusan. sibuk menyiapkan kelengkapan rumahtangga. tengah belajar2 masak juga agaknya. her wedding was last saturday, 29/1/11. the 1st wedding untuk cucu ghazali duyob and khadijah haji mustaffa. many glitches.....of which easily tackled if we have more manpower. but come to think of it...the glitches made the wedding more memorable....hehehe...(cover line je ni...). what the heck. although i was dead tired...my body ached all over...tapi puas hati. coz ami was a radiant and beautiful pengantin and yes...happy. looking at her laughed...enjoying having her pics taken, going through the whole wedding rituals and surrounded by family and friends...makes all the effort worthwhile. penat pun penat lah...so fulfilling when the bride's parents pun happy juga. although it was drizzling...the guests kept on coming. food was cukup-cukup...fantastic!!! hate wastage. balance lauk cukup untuk family members.

with my sis and the bride masa malam berinai

the pengantin dengan the gedik cousins and friends

ami is like my own child. she was born when i was in form 3. took care of her from confinement throughout school days. kakak tak de maid those days, so...yours truly was part time helper. feed her, mandikan dia, tocangkan rambut dia, take her to the playground...tadah muntah dia.....yup all those. those wide thick glasses during school days...hehehe....ami's brother, azizul was also under my care...well azizul is another story.

ami ni, org tua2 kata....keras hati le juga, sensitive, intelligent, hard working, simple in dressing yet elegant...kadang2 rasa her dress sense is like her mama's (unlike adik dia, ema), keep things to herself, manja......and yes, realised this recently...quite witty.

when she joined the same company i work with, sayu juga sebab....i helped raised her and now she is my office mate. awkward too coz how will she address me at the office? lawak juga....nobody knows about the relations except the HR people. we gave 2 months before the staff find out about our ties, but it was nearly 3 years later bila ada makcik sorang kat ofis yang start spreading the info (macam tak de kerja lain, nak cari popularity vote kot). kalau tidak, mungkin sampai sekarang, tak ramai yang tau.

it broke my heart when i see her cry during those 'difficult months' in her life coz i know she deserves better. tak sampai hati tengok. mau ku santau je those yang hurt her! and now all those bad memories dah jauh tinggal and she has amirul now. what is the odd of that? nama pun lebih kurang sama. rupa paras pun lebih kurang sama. sesuwei sangat....akak likeeeee.....

ami & amirul....

tambah sorang lagi dalam family ni

my doa for your happiness ami. dont ever take things for granted. sayang menyayangi, hormat menghormati and perhaps could start by addressing yr hb dengan panggilan 'abang'. be humble...tapi jgn sampai kena buli. ikhlas and sentiasa sabar...sabar...sabar...

my ben 10 is bandaged...

2011-01-23T08:24:00.000-08:00

sometimes arif forgets to be careful especially when he is with girls. while i was upstairs bz with the preparation for ami's wedding this coming weekend, he crashed into the sliding door while running around the house with his cousins, yeah...girls. what i saw was broken glasses splatered on the floor and yes, blood. so much of blood. he was bleeding profusely and the blood was from his head. when u see yr child bleeding, there was only one thing to do, stop it as fast as i can and i cant afford to be panicky. he was blue, pale...cold hands and feet. he was about to doze off. he was in shock. i dont want him to go into seizure. i was trying to stay as calm as possible and i dont want him to see me out of control. he must not see me break down. i said many times, "arif dont sleep, arif tak boleh tidor. u must stay awake or else arif pengsan. he cooperated. he said "...ok..ok...arif tak tidor." "mama, i did not see the door. it was invisible." mak ngah and amirul's (ami's fiance) quick thinking helped me take arif to the emergency centre, sjmc, subang jaya.

arif displayed strength throughout the ordeal. strength that i never knew is capable of a 6 yr old. strong like his ayah when need to endure pain. he did not cry although the nurses were cleaning his wounds. i know how painful it is but he remain quiet. perhaps he was trying to comprehend what had happened, the strange surrounding at the emergency centre. i was worried coz i cant see his reaction. it is more worrying that way. it is normal to cry for a child who is going through such pain. it is ok to cry. it is ok to scream...it is ok. But he remained quiet. when i asked him what was he thinking....he said, 'nothing'. hold his hand most of the time and assuring him all will be ok in no time. he finally whispered to me, faintly, "mama...it hurts...very-very hurt". Oh God, please...i am willing to go through the pain anytime instead of my baby... it is so heart wrenching to see your baby lying there in pain. where the hell is the doctor?????? told arif, i need to go outside for a while. left him a few minutes. need to take some breather. outside, i saw a familiar face. ami was there, although took me a few seconds to recognise her.

my ben 10, no need omnitrix arif

while waiting for the surgeon, still can give a smile for the camera, although faintly

we had to wait for the specialist, a plastic surgeon as the wounds were quite serious. the longest hour ever in my life. he was shivering and screaming with pain when the doctor injected anesthetic into all the wounds before she started the stitching. there were an average of 5-7 stitches at every cut and there are 7....yes...that much!

the stitching

called nik aman after maghrib and when he reached the hospital with marsya, arif was done and ready to go home. marsya was all teary eyes when she saw little brother like that and was with him all the time. thank you mak ngah, ami and amirul for being there.

ready to go home....

Ehem...ehem....

2010-11-07T05:59:00.000-08:00

Arif loves to have shots of him taken wearing his Ben 10 omnitrix, using my sony hphone. All sorts of pose with his beloved omnitrix (betul ke eja ni? belasah la)....

Amongst those many shots of him, there was one of mine wearing a bridal crown...(taken while helping out my niece, or rather, nyibuk to choose her wedding dress)....i said to Arif, while pointing at the screen of my hphone...

"look Arif, dont i look pretty wearing a crown?"

Arif with a glance on the hp screen, said........"mama, that is not a crown......., its a TIARA..."

ehem...ehem..."oh a TIARA.."

What a way to go...

2010-09-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

Satu Malaysia is talking about the gruesome murder of 4 unfortunate malays. Datuk Soosilawati Lawiya (DSL) and 3 other men, close aides of DSL were murdered in cold blood..and semua rentetan peristiwa which led to the death of the 4 were splashed all over the media for all to read and digest. Syaitan memang diikat dalam bulan puasa tapi manusia is beyond that bila dah buat the same MO sejak sekian lama. When were are angry, we sometimes can't see the implication of our actions and as expected. some voices out there are igniting ethnic cleansing, politicising it and macam2 lagi rubbish talk. Semua nak membawa ke arah feeling of remorse and hate.

DSL, nama yg disegani dalam industri kosmetik tempatan. Perhaps she was one of the first few wanita yg berjaya dalam peniagaan ini. Made her fortune from hard work. Im sure she was a shrewd businesswoman and i have heard talks about how she handled her business. Tapi itu business, must be firm and shrewd or else kena pijak dengan orang lain. Kalau tidak macam mana nak build her business and at the same time raising her children, being a single parent. and all. Nothing else but my full admiration for such grit and determination.

Met her in person a few times in my line of work. Nouvelles Vissage was the main sponsor for a program called Anugerah Hari Ibu, anjuran majalah Keluarga-Seri Dewi, terbitan Karangkraf. I represented my company as one of the co-sponsors. During the press conference to announce the program, she came alone, no entourage. Her speech was loosely scribbled on a piece of paper perhaps torn from her note book or exercise book, perhaps wrote it on the way there. Simple and straight to the point. She was on first name basis with the editors and yes, she was friendly and humble (love her accessories though...hehehehh). There were other occasion where i met her again. i was amongst the crowd especially in events organised by Kumpulan Karangkraf

The last time our path crossed was on 1st August 2010. Sat beside her at my niece's wedding reception. She was in pink kaftan and selendang. Simply stunning and yes, i like her accessories then too. She came with her husband, yes the 3rd publicity shy husband. Friendly and introduced herself to me even before i do. Was about to start a conversation, but soon after she was whisked away and placed at the high table with the bride and groom.

And now she's gone. Due to her high profile status, he missing person report by her family was picked up by the media and it went out of control when the police found her car and started to pick-up suspects, the rest are the stories u read in the newspapers. Right now it is believed that there could be about 20 persons dead committed by the same suspects. 20! Crazy!!!! Terlalu ramai dah dibunuh, bakar and dibuang abu...another 1 or 3 does not make any difference. Kalau ditangkap, with enough evidence and put on trial, the suspects akan turun naik mahkamah for all 20 cases and they will surely live longer than most of us under the very care and money paid by the tax payers. And if found guilty pun, mati sekali je. Tak kan la nak gantung for 20 times kot!

As for DSL, she worked hard for her fortune. She was merely demanding for her money, rightfully hers. We will do the same when another decided not to honour their side of the bargain. Due to her high profile status, the police have to work extra hard on the case and the media frenzy added more to the pressure and right now the police is re-opening cases which have links to the main suspect. Kalau DSL is just like one of us, would the police take any heed to the missing person report placed by the family???

Her kampung folks say that DSL was a kind hearted and giving person. Will always extend her help whenever she can. Perhaps this is her destiny. Helping the dead? Helping other families of the dead find answers...Putting a stop to a monster, evil man but at the expense of losing her life. Kita tak tahu caturan Allah SWT...

My prayers goes to DSL's children, her mother, husband and the rest of her family. They lost a loving mother, daughter, wife. May they find strength during this trying time.

Al-Fatihah.....

I don't ask for much

2010-08-02T07:17:00.000-07:00

"mama tak nak banyak...just send me for holiday round the world or at least a different destination of my choice every year. this year marsya sponsor, next year, atikah and the year after...abang. i will take arif with me buat teman and also angkat all my shopping bags and luggage."

"eeee....mama!!!!", jeritan suara anak yang kurang senang dengan hajat mamanya...

imagine.....along the way from all those trips i went to and about to plan for the next trip, arif will say..."mama! London again???? or Florence again??? we went there just last January. lets go Disney World la maaaaa.........." "I want to meet Mickey, Minnie...." "when u have your own kids ask them to take u there. As for mama, i want to go London...again!" arif with his longest muncung ever, displaying his displeasure and annoyance for such remark from beloved mama.

....haih.....syoknya berangan....FREE ALLLL THE WAAAAAYYYYYY......

hish....bersawang blog ni...

2010-07-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

uhuk..uhuk...uhuk....(batuk mengade....) habuk menusuk kerongkong and hidung....Extreme injection of fresh air is needed here....seriously. My blog is so the berhabuk....sungguh lama tak update. bukan tak de stori mori nak distorikan..tapi virus M(alas) bermaharajalela.......

What more with the recent big event at the work place which required TLC and big attention from hot mama here....and other deadlines...and other worldly miserable issues....no choice but to shelve my blog for a while...

but i will be back...with a vengeance (really ar????)...updating u people with the latest happenings (and the penings....like as if)....wait ar....next change ar.....like.....sooooooooooon......!!!!!!(the soonest....heheheh....)

baju apa?

2010-06-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

my normal days usually end with short conversation with arif before we doze off to slumberland. while lying in bed, we would chat about amongst others, what he did in school and which cartoons he watched today. we would be giggling as we poke fun at each other, tickling him. sometimes i would be saying things that crossed my mind and arif would respond in his own way.....

"hhhmmmm...arif, mama tak tau la pakai baju apa esok...." and arif responded, dengan selambanya....."baju sekolah...."

Berdesing

2010-05-01T01:03:00.000-07:00

last nite, right about 1 am, blackout lagi...tetiber the house sangat sunyi...berdesing telinga due to the silence. mmmppphhhh.....ala...panas le pulak. "mama...why is it so dark?" Arif has woken up and sitting on the bed. I said, 'letrik tak de." "Oooo...letrik dah habis?"

....................

Every shing a ling a ling...when they started to sing...

2010-04-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

karen carpenter's soothing, magical voice is in the background. swaying to the music of the carpenters (yup, 70's...so sue me!). me, staring at my laptop, trying hard to write or at least add 3 more pages to my very 1st novel. i have this strategy in my drive to get this novel complete as soon as i can....at least 3 pages/day x 6 months = 540 pages. My very 1st novel by yr end!!!

Hmmmm...that sucks! the same strategy for the past year, heheheh...

OMG!!!! ideas and thoughts seems to be pouring at the odd hours and at weird places. in the car, while having lunch, in the loo...jeeezzzz...(actually more ideas when in the loo). Cik Ketumbar said that i need to get it jotted down as soon as the ideas are gushing in (in the loo???) Yes...i did that, if i happened to have paper and pen handy. i do have a note book in the car and it is difficult to scribbble while driving and hoping the ilham will stay long enough for me to write it down when i reach the office. when the ilham is pouring, i welcome traffic jams so much...!!!!

and now...where was i?

"every sha la la la, every wo oo still shine.....every shing a ling a ling when they started to sing...so fine....when they get to the part where he's breaking her heart....it can really make me cry, just like before....its yesterday once more......................"

AF lagi?.... Lagi2 AF....

2010-04-17T07:21:00.000-07:00

while watching AF....eh...yang ke berapa ni? tak kira la tapi same resipi je...budak2 nyanyi, juri give comments..the same....want to switch channels but my girls want to watch and laugh at the contestants...cheh...bebudak sekarang...anak aku juga....(mesti ikut perangai ayahnyer....heheheh)...anyway, 5th week (it seems) tapi rasa macam tengok konsert sekolah....was hoping that standard ada sikit atas ke...nope...dah tu bila budak2 ni kena voted out, they blame the viewers for not voting...cheh...ada aku kisah? kalau performance budak2 ni ada elok jugak pun... wa vote punnnn.....macam biasa komen adlin straight to the face...blunt, take it or leave it attitude, like gooooodddddd la...tapikan apasal rambut adlin so the aawww..awww? remos yang cover separuh his forehead. His comments macam brutal tapi from neck up, sungguh jambu...eeeuuuwwww. Kalau macam Pak Nil nak cover dahi dengan juraian rambut yang trendy...maka projection Pak Nil....ala-alaaaaaa nice guy la.....Juri jemputan...well, jemput2 je la. Kenapa ASTRO dok buat lagi AF ni? clearly, not many followers and voters...sponsors ada ke? ntah!...jeeeeezzzzz.....mama...continue with yr work oi!!!!..(bila kepala hotak tepu...cakap pun merapu)

I avoid watching citer seram

2010-02-27T20:40:00.000-08:00

"Apa tu bu?" Evi bertanya. Aku mengambil langkah untuk tidak bercakap banyak, cuma sekadar menjawab, 'tak de apa, ubat je'. aku dok sibuk meletak garam bukit yang telah dititiskan dgn minyak essential ramuan rahsia dengan bau yang cukup semerbak dalam bilik nye. jee pesan, letak dalam bilik dia and places of work, the kitchen especially. selang tak sampai beberapa minit, aku masih lagi di dapur, Evi datang berlari padaku, 'Bu, bau ni busuk la. kenapa ya saya rasa pening?' Bu, saya takut...ada benda hitam nak masuk badan saya...dan seketika itu juga, Evi rebah. aku hanya sempat menyambut tubuhnya daripada rebah ke lantai dan terus memangku Evi. AAAhhh...sudah....'Ayah!' (panggilan manja kepada my hb), Evi pengsan!. Ayah datang berlari ke dapur, dengan muka yang equally panic. kenapa pengsan? hb tanya. mana i tau. apa nak buat ni? hb tanya lagi macam la aku tahu. 'Evi....Evi...bangun...aku cuba tepuk-tepuk mukanye', masih pejam. badannye stiff and no reflex. Adoiyai...aku memang panik. dalam kepala hotak dok pikir, apa nak buat ni. ni anak orang ni....if anything should happen to her, police report, immigration papers, cant go to work, anak2 sekolah.....damn!

Minutes later, Wait, she is opening her eyes. 'Evi...evi ok ke?" tak de suara...just dark, scary stare at me. her face was....isshhh....meremang bulu roma... damn! what now? No voice, but her eyes were following where i was going, what i was doing. This is not Evi. tangan dok sibuk call jee masa dia pitam and Jee pun terkejut. kenapa pengsan? u tell me la. I tak sangka jadi gini, jee said,. Alamak ai! Jee finally said, "pls call for ustaz and mintak pulihkan dia. itu bukan dia lagi tu." "yus! help!" Yus was jumpy at the other end...fast forward of the whole incident to her. yus said she will ask hb for ustaz help. please..... this is red alert panic! a few minutes later, she called and gave me the ustaz's contact number, Ustaz Ramli, a close friend to Yus's hb. terus call and fast forward again of the whole incident. We were lucky, Alhamdulillah Ustaz Ramli sudi bantu and will come over to the house as soon. He is staying somewhere in Puchong area. In the meantime, he asked us to make sure that Evi is not left alone and make sure that she is comfortable. would not want her to do any harm to us. Alamak, harm! Where are the children? "Anak2 semua naik atas, jangan turun unless mama kata ok." anak2 berlari naik atas.

Sementara tunggu Ustaz ramli, hb called Tok Imam. Tok Imam@fleet owner of school vans@ex-technician@imam of nearby surau. he came alone. Alamak! tak de troops...Tok Imam sorang je ke? Tak pe...better than both of us yang tak tahu hujung pangkal nak buat apa in situation like this. Tok Imam ada experience benda2 gini. Evi kena rasuk. Ntah benda apa masuk dia ni. Tok Imam baca apa patut, ayat2 suci dan bertanya dengan 'Evi'. "Siapa kamu ni", Ishhh...marah 'Evi'...baca ayat dan air disapu di muka Evi, tak menjadi juga. Tok Iman cuba lagi. Evi pandang Tok Iman...dan ketawa mengejek paling seram pernah aku dengar. tetiber aku rasa sedang menonton scene 'Exorcist' bila Linda Blair sedang mengilai mengejek paderi yang sedang menggunakan 'holy water' dan membaca doa2 dari kitabnya untuk menghalau iblis yang merasuk... Linda Blair@iblis hanya mengeliat bosan.

Tok Imam kata, "apa yang ada dalam budak ni bukan calang-calang, kuat. Takat ni je saya boleh buat. Kena cari orang yang pandai berubat pulihkan orang yang kena rasuk makhluk halus ni." Makhluk halus. Evi kena rasuk makhluk halus.

the longest time ever masa tunggu ustaz ramli to the house. dia sesat pulak sebab not familiar with our housing area. sabar...sabar...Evi dah berapa kali pengsan and jaga, pengsan lagi....aku dah lenguh dan berpeluh kat dapur ni. Time dah masuk pukul 10 lebih. Other households dah winding down to rest and sleep, but here I am tengah bertempur dengan persaan takut, cuak dan panik all in one. mana nak pikir anak2, mana nak pikir Evi yang meracau cakap apa2 and pengsan dan pengsan lagi, mana nak pikir hb yang ada heart condition. kalau ditoreh muka ni, tak berdarah pun rasanye. punyer le pucat. tapi kena in control coz so many at stake. i aged 10 years that nite.

Ustaz Ramli finally reached the house, "Assalamualaikum...." "Waalaikumsalam, sambut my hb. Allah hu Akbar, Alhamdulillah....Allah memudahkan perjalanan Ustaz Ramli ke rumah kami. Evi, aku papah ke ruang tamu. kesiannye tengok budak ni. Baru je kerja dengan kami tak sampai lima bulan. Rajin, budak ni tapi ada yang tak kena dengan dia. But cant really put my finger on it. But everytime when i reach home, i feel the house is filthy, walaupun dia kata dah kemas. cant really cook so kena ajar banyak benda kat budak ni. baru 19 years old then. Evi rajin melayan my girls. Evi kata nak kerja lama dengan kami sebab dia rasa tak nak balik Indon. Tunggu la after 5 years baru balik. We just recently found out that before she came over to work, just delivered a baby girl. left her baby with her mother.

When she first came, so much energy and want to do everything. one day, just about 3 days with us, she decided to rearrange the furnitures in the whole house, right from the living room to the bedroom, all 3 of them. when we reached home, Surprised!!!! "Bu saya tukar sikit. Ibu suka? " We were between terperanjat and kagum. Why? Coz she moved all the furnitures, beds and almari baju with everything in it all on her own. All those within one day. When the girls got back from school in the afternoon, the furnitures dah rearranged. We looked at each other. Adoi...kena psycho ni. "Evi, buat semua ni sorang je?" Aku tanya...Evi tersengih bangga, "ye Bu" "Siapa tolong?" "Tak de siapa tolong" Lagi aku terbeliak biji mata. "Evi buat semua ni?" lagi sekali aku tanya soklan bodoh tu. Hb dearest diam. Dia cuma tumpang tercengang. Tak de siapa tolong, katanya lagi...."Hmmmm...ok gak Evi buat ni. Mesti penat kan? (statement bodoh lagi. mestilah. tapi dia tak nampak penat. lagi ceria and excited adala sebab dapat surprised us. Boy! were we surprised). "Tapi Evi.. saya tak berapa suka la Evi. Baru saja ubah susun ni. Esok Evi tukar balik. Tak payah buat semua esok. Buat sikit2 pun tak pe." Aku tahu Evi kecewa, tapi dia cuba senyum. Tawar je... Evi angguk. I know, I was being unreasonable. But I can't take the new decor, so the serabut with all the furnitures all arranged at the centre....aaaarrrggghhh serabutla!!!

"Macam mana dia angkat semua furniture sorang?" me and hb compared notes. "Ntah2 dia incredible hulk and menurun bila semua orang tak de." Hey, jangan cakap gitu, Arif dengan dia bila kita tak de. Dia yang jaga. Sampai sudah... we failed to find reasons how she managed to do it. We brushed it all away and considered it as one of her many abilities. She continued with her work and she was really hard working. Ever ready to impress us and would drop everything when we call for her. Evi sayang Arif.

"Hey, siapa kamu kacau budak ni. Siapa dalam badan Evi ni?" tanya Ustaz Ramli sambil memicit ibu jari kaki Evi. "Aduh...sakit, sakit pak"...Evi merintih...menangis. Aku masih meriba dan memegang bahu Evi, kuat. Evi meronta, lagi kuat aku pegang dia. "Kalau sakit, keluar. ni bukan tempat kamu. kalau kamu tak nak sakit, baik keluar." Ustaz Ramli mengugut keras. Siapa nama kamu? "mona...." Evi jawab perlahan. "Hah, Mona...kamu asal dari mana?" tanya Ustaz. "Jauh...dari bukit sana" bukit mana pulak ni. Aku tahu la belakang rumah aku ada bukit tapi tak kan la from there. "Bukit mana?" "jauh..."...ni mesti tumpang dari mana ni? terang ustaz kepada kami. "Ada pergi mana2 sebelum ni?" tanya Ustaz. Hb baru balik outstation a few days ago, ada worksyop kat Genting. AAAhhhh....bukit...jauh....Sah, ayahnye bawak balik 'Mona' dari Genting. Memang hb balik was way past midnite and balik pun masuk rumah tak de precaution apa2, belasah je. Padan muka kami. Lain kali pesan orang2 tua, dengar. Kalau balik dari jauh, malam gini, kena ikut petua dan pantang larangnya. Kan dah ada yang ikut. Hish....

"Kenapa kamu ada kat sini?", Ustaz Ramli tanya lagi sambil terus memicit ibu jari kaki Evi. "Saja suka. Sini seronok. Ramai kawan." kata Evi. Suka kat sini. Hah, ramai kawan? Ada berapa ni? Ustaz Ramli baca lagi ayat-ayat suci. Time already way past midnite. Evi menjerit dan pengsan lagi. Let her sleep. Ustaz kata. Bila Evi jaga, she looked ok. 'Mona' dah balik. Sebelum Mona, ada budak kecik, ada yang langsung tak cakap apa, cuma dengus kasar dan garang dengan mata hitam yang macam nak telan je Ustaz. Mata tu juga pandang aku macam nak telan. "Apa pandang2????? Apa kamu ingat aku takut? Keluar!!! Ini rumah aku. Kamu keluar sekarang!!!" Yup, I said that. screaming my head off at 'Evi'. Evi stared. I was between tired, geram and takut. Tak tau mana datangnya berani masa tu. But i was so stressed. tired and a long nite. Lepas tu aku dah tak takut dah. This is my house, my family and yang lain2 tak berkenaan boleh GET OUT!!!

Ustaz Ramli masih meneruskan bacaan dan cuba merawat Evi. I think dah nak masuk pukul 3 pagi baru la Evi nampak ok. Ustaz Ramli siapkan air penawar. Lada hitam dengan garam kasar untuk "pagar rumah". Taburkan sekeliling rumah dgn bacaan ayat Qursi. Semoga makhluk halus tidak masuk lagi. Ustaz Ramli's opinion of Evi. Evi memang 'tak sihat'. Masa dia datang kerja kat Mesia, she must have eaten something and that is already in her and that has weaken her. She becomes a satellite for all these makhluk untuk b enda2 ni masuk dan keluar using her body. Hish...ada byk lagi la Ustaz Ramli cakap. Takut and meremang bulu roma entah berapa ribu kali sepanjang masa tu. Tapi Ustaz Ramli pesan, kita tak boleh takut dengan benda ni sebab manusia lebih superior.

Aku lepas tu jadi nurse jaga Evi for the next 3 days sebelum kami hantar dia balik Indonesia. When i broke the news to her that i have no choice but to release her. Boleh bayangkan betapa sedihnya dia. Could not bear to look at her face. Bukan tak kesian tapi my family comes first. Buatnya ada insiden menurun lagi lepas ni, how? Arif kecik lagi masa tu, will be with her. No, dare not take the risk.

Masa Evi agak sober, she related to me apa yang dia nampak and those things she saw was only between Evi and I. I dont share in detail with dear hb pun. Even on the day we sent her back, macam2 dugaan...haih...itu citer lain.

This is the reason why i dont like to watch citer seram....Why pay money for that when I went through live performance?

Patut la..

2010-02-15T12:31:00.000-08:00

last week, electricity failure at the neighbourhood. from 3pm. dah dekat maghrib, the electricity was restored. about 9pm, fail lagi. Came back close to midnite. later, around 3am, another failure.

masa dok bergelap tu, we anak beranak, melalak menyumbang lagu2 with ayah and arif providing the musical back up with their guitars (yes arif with his beloved guitar) mengentertain the neighbourhood. it was fun, quality time with the family. elok juga, sebab dah lama tak bergelak and melalak macam tu.

bila dah penat melalak, semua dok melayan perasaan. anak2 dok sms kawan2 sambil bergolek2 atas lantai. nak tidor, panas, nyamuk banyak le plak. bila tak de letrik ni, tersangat senyap and sunyi sampai berdesing telinga.

while watching the candles dok menari2 dengan cahayanya yang tak seberapa. tetiber terpikir, tak banyak boleh buat dalam gelap ni ye? banyak mana sangatla nak menyanyi? bila dah penat, menyanyi, berhenti. nak baca, dalam gelap, mata pun rabun.

patut la orang zaman dulu, ramai anak, hehehehehe.....

the heat is on!

2010-02-15T11:47:00.000-08:00

it is nearly 4am. cant sleep. this hot mama is enduring the hot malaysian weather. the temperature reading is 26 degrees celcius with 88% humidity. whatever that means! to me it only means, panas!!!! dont have the luxury of air conditioners in the house, so we are enjoying an all day sauna at home.

i dont normally take notice of the weather, come what may. rain or shine, all are fine with me. but of late, the heat is close to unbearable. put the clothes to dry and just a few moments, they are crispy. wish for it to rain everyday (after semua kain dah kering ok, crispy and all).

we are still fortunate that behind our house, ada banyak pokok, a small part of a hutan left by the developer (until they start with the condominium project, and we hear they are going to commence the project real soon). Nyaman juga in the early morning, when u open the kitchen windows, can feel the cool morning air menyapa. tapi sekejap je la. when the sun is up, say around 9am, the heat is on! 10.30 am is the new 12 noon!

do hope this hot weather will be over soon.

2 vs 23 million

2010-02-06T01:18:00.000-08:00

last week, the local media were splashing endless coverage of the country's high profile court proceeding. DSAI vs Saiful = sodomy. The Star started coverage by spalshing this headline... 'Sodomy Starts'. yehnadey....sick of it actually. i think the people of malaysia are of equally sick to the stomach. imagine...NIE class in school with the headline which reads...'Sodomy Starts'. I bet the teacher must went through hell answering endless questions on DSAI, Saiful and SODOMY. This is the time when the most respected profession becomes the most hated.

probably we might need to observe the phrase.....'in moderation' when reporting of such cases. i personally, and i am sure many agree that we would prefer to read stories about what the government has done to improve the living of the people of this country, the betterment of the nation than wasting pages and pages of the newspaper on reporting the proceedings of this case. if need be, just a half page reporting and the rest 2 to 3 pictures. this is just a story of two men. does the story of this two men will give great benefit to the rest of the 23 million people of this country?

Dah le tu...

Drama - Impian Arif

2010-01-18T06:40:00.000-08:00

Act 1
Location : Mama's bed
Actors : Arif and mama@mother

The room is dark...faint light from the study room across the hallway. Mama@mother is tired and just want to sleep after a long and tiring weekend. Arif is lying beside her, resting his head on mama's arm and snuggling mama@mother so comfortably. Mama slowly drifting to slumberland when....

Arif : "mama...i want a pet. like my cousins, kak ema...kak ami...i like pets. i like kitty cat. mama, i want a pet, like kak ema and kak ami, my cousin. i like kitty cat, mama. kitty cat is cute, mother." (mother pulak). "i want a kitten. my cousin, kak ema has a pet, kak ami has a pet. i want a pet, mama...." the same line over and over till fade............. Arif is finally.........zzzzzzzzzzzz.....

mama, too sleepy to layan...

.........

2010-01-09T21:46:00.000-08:00

aku lebih senang begini
memendam duka dalam diri

tidak perlu berkata apa
hanya berserah pada yang Esa

aku lebih senang begini
membedung rasa dalam hati

tidak perlu berkata apa
hanya mengulit jiwa yang lara

What's wrong Arif?

2010-01-02T06:42:00.000-08:00

Arif has such sweet tooth. Loves cakes, sweets, and today had too much chocolates. While i was busy with my own work, left Arif with his toys and at the same time conquering the TV remote. Then i heard his voice faintly calling me...."mama...mama...." "yes arif, what's wrong?" i sat beside him and arif immediately opened his mouth while pointing to his teeth. "mama, pain." "Oh Arif sakit gigi ke?" "No, mama, cavity." "Oh..cavity..."

Nur Kasih membuat penonton TV3 giler tapi so anti-climax

2009-12-31T07:31:00.000-08:00

Nur Kasih menjadi kegilaan penonton mesia. semua cakap pasai how tak berhati perut and cruel adam is, how keramat baik aidil is, sacrificed for his brother...and how menderita nur amina (to some extend stupidity has taken over her). ulangan nur kasih pun ramai dok follow....kenapa ek org mesia suka tgk nur kasih? rasa macam org mesia looking for an ideal characters yang nampaknye semakin pupus...suke citer2 character ala2 kena dera macam nuramina kesian...kesian....org kita mudah betul kesian kat orang. macam at one time org mesia gilakan mawi masa demam Mawi World dulu...Mawi being an underdog....

do u think ada manusia macam nur amina tu right now....? do u think ada character mcm aidil tu sekarang....? i doubt so. tapi masih boleh berharap...

all the build up of nurkasih and sampai 14 million viewers....ending nye sungguh bosan....!!!!
tak setanding dgn the whole storyline... anti-climax

marsya was saying..."citer nurkasih paling best, tapi ending paling tak best..."

setakat jumpa kat dalam train je....? such a boring ending dengan build up yang intense.

tapi overall, nurkasih has done its role of at least giving us hope there there are ideal characters macam aidil , nuramina and man do change for the better, macam adam, insyaAllah....

English 101

2009-12-25T06:33:00.000-08:00

"My mother, where is your daughter, my mother?", my youngest child asked.

"Which daughter, my son?", I answered his question with another question

"My sister, Marsya", my son answered.

"Oh, your sister Marsya who is also my daughter is upstairs, sleeping", was my reply.

That was the conversation piece between me and Arif using the English language. He picked up English from his many hours watching TV....The Disney Channel, Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon.

Another recent conversation between Arif and I....

"My mother..."

"yes...my son"

"I miss your husband".....(my hb was away in KK for a few days)...

"My husband will be home tomorrow"....

"Oh ok....."

Menggelegak

2009-12-11T05:41:00.000-08:00

fed-up tahap gaban! plan dah baguih, tapi tak berapa nak jadi. sebab kena saboh (eh betoi ke eja nih? lantaklah!!!!)....sebab ada orang perangai macam 'toot'...'toot'. adegan terjah yang bertali arus macam crowd beratur panjang berkilometer di Renaissance Hotel masa Estee Lauder price crush sale bulan september hari tu (taulah lari topik tapi the queue panjang siut kena naik tangga turun tangga tuh! sebab akak pun beratur laaaammmmaaaaaaaa...!) tak tahu ke, kita kalau nak masuk rumah orang kena bagi salam dulu, mintak permission..."tumpang tanya, tumpang lalu." cakap elok2. ini tidak...main redah je! EEEEeeeee geram!!!!! tak ada adat langsung!!! hey....akak punya naluri kefedupan ni dah tahap menggelegak!!!! kita ni orang melayu, kaya dengan adat sopan dan adat yang membezakan kita ni civilised ke tidak. bila ada adegan terjah ni, orang luar pandang kita sebelah mata je, tak profesional langsung!!!! niat nak impress, langsung depress....toot...toooooottttttttttttt (censored...sebab blog ni is also followed by anak2 and in-laws...akak kena behave people!!!).

kengkadang orang macam ni layak akak tendang dia atau tolak dari tingkat 5. make sure tak mati, tapi seriously injured, sudah mesti. lepas ni nak tolak lagi. HAHAHAHAH!!!!( eviiillllll)

sedap betol berangan macam ni....apa lagi nak buat? memandangkan akak ni masih waras dan masih very considerate towards others (bangang kan?) terpaksa telan and move on. lepas ni kalau ada orang jatuh bangunan, ala2 dari tingkat 5 tu....dont look at me.

apa pasai galuh-galuh?

2009-12-02T06:03:00.000-08:00

Haiya.....cheliter same...sana galuh...sini galuh....ini negeli galuh2 ka? itu PAS pun galuh....dalam galuh...luar pun galuh...haiya...machiam itu bulak kicik juga....itu budak kicik pun tau mayin sama-sama, tala galuh-galuh....pun...kongsi juga....

hali-hali lengar itu cheliter aaaarrrr....sapa itu...plesiden MCA...kasi muang lia punya olang kuat-kuat lalam itu MCA...apa pasai??? sulah tak mau kawan aaarrrr.....???? gua manyak menci lu olang lar....galuh kalu.....cheliter peper...galuh lagi...lagi cheliter peper....haiya....!!!!!! mau jadi selebliti aaarrr???? ini maicham munya olang pun ala..eiyeeerrrrr.....wa sikalang itu peper sulah tak mau bacer.....woah...

itu PAS aaarr...sulah tak PAS...selalu FEL....pun sukeeerrrr galuh2.....ini cheliter politik mikin wa mau muntahhhh.....

Cerita lama

2009-10-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

masa kecik2 dulu dalam umur 4 tahun ke 5 tahun ke, suka main tengah panas. pakai cuma seluar dalam, mak yang jahit. selalunya warna putih seluar kecik tu. duduk berjemur tengah panas, pejam mata, pusing, pusing sampai pening. terkekeh-kekeh. senang je dulu. main macam tu pun boleh dah. sebab tak de kawan nak main, main sorang2 je la. abang dok sibuk dengan kawan dia main perang peluru terung dengan pistol buatan sendiri. adik pulak, ah...kecik lagi. tak boleh buat kawan pun. kakak2, lagi le tak nak kawan. dah anak dara, mana nak kawan dengan kita. tak kisah pun. mak, bapak - sibuk hal2 duniawi. anak2 buat hal sendiri. tapi sebelum mak keluar, makanan mesti dah sedia. mandornya sementara mak tak de, kakak!

apa nak buat ni? sukat kampong pun ok juga. pi bertandang rumah kengkawan pun lagi ok. dari satu rumah ke satu rumah. rumah Dah, main masak2. rumah Ita, main cikgu2, rumah Nun, main anak patung. Cukup la tu sampai petang. rutin harian. senang, mudah, mesra alam.

sekarang, tak de dah kot hidup budak2 macam tu. anak2 sendiri bila cerita semua ni, terkebil2 macam tak percaya. tak boleh nak bayangkan. (tambah nak bayangkan mama main anak patung) sekarang, tak boleh nak pergi bertandang rumah kengkawan sebarangan. nak kemana-mana, hantar dan jemput. ramai sangat orang jahat. sekarang semua pakai duit, dah tak mesra alam.

sangat rindu kampung. tapi sedihnya tak de kampung sendiri lagi. dari kecil menumpang sana-sini.

cerita lama, tapi dalam hati kekal selamanya.

No Regrets, Just Opportunities

2009-10-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

If we were given the ability to turn back the clock, many would do it. Undo the mistakes, make things better, many more in the list as long as at the end of the day we will feel better about ourselves and how things turn out. "If only I were to....." But if we do turn back the clock, will we do better? Turning as far back as the previous hour, yesterday, last year, last decade? Truth is, it will never end. Do u really want to go through the same event for the 2nd time? I surely won't. Maybe u want to focus more on yr studies coz u have been playing truant and not appreciating the need to excel in your studies then and right now u are regretting it for that meager income u get every month. If i were to study more, i should be able to land myself a lucrative job with lucrative pay, etc... Regrets? Obviously. If i were to manage my life better, i would not end in this @#%* hole! But the reality is, no one can turn back the clock. Face it as it comes and hopefully u come out from it in one piece, everything intact including your mind and your soul.

Sometimes we wonder, when will it ever end? Keep on wondering people, coz we dont know. Only God knows what He has for us. It is up to us to see the better side of things, not to overwhelm our lives with obvious regrets and crying over many misfortunes at hand. Every clouds has its silver lining, they say. Some can see it, many dont.

Maybe it is time for us to change all those regrets into opportunities. Learn new things, new skills, new life! Opportunity to be better.

Books for the Soul

2009-10-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

At the moment i am reading a few books at one go. Feel like sharing two of these books. 'Putting the Power of your Subconscious Mind to Work' and 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrrari'. Heavy stuff i know, but improve ourselves, we must.

I find the 'subconscious mind' book rather interesting. Written by Dr. Joseph Murphy, the book is a compilation of decades of research and sermon that will show us how to engage our subconscious mind to achieve success in our careers and lives.

It says.....'Your subconscious mind is like a soil, which accepts any kind of idea - good or bad. Your thoughts are active and might be likened to seeds. Negative, destructive thoughts continue to work negatively in your subconscious mind and in due time will evolve into actions that correspond with them. remember, your subconscious mind does not engage in proving whether your thoughts are good or bad, true or false. but it responds according to the nature of your thoughts and suggestions.'

in simple words, if u plant negative thoughts, u will get negative results. same goes with planting positive thoughts will get positive results. your actions will follow through based on the thoughts planted in your subconscious mind.

anyway, more pages to read...

The 'monk' book is by Robin S. Sharma. He was here in Malaysia some time this year talking about personal development and life improvement. The book is an international best seller. It is about Julian Mantle, a superstar lawyer whose out-of-balance lifestyle leads him to a near fatal heart attack in a packed courtroom. His collapse brings on a spirited crisis, forcing him to seek answers to life's most important questions.

At this juncture, I personally like this part where Julian was trying to prove a point to his friend John, his assistant when he was still practising and currently John is a successful lawyer himself.

'pouring tea into a cup until it overflows and run down the table and to the floor is similar to us being so full with our own ideas and no other than our own. How can any more tea go into the cup until we empty it? do we do the same things every day with the same people who thought the same thoughts every day had filled the cup to the brim. we are so set with our ways.

also...more pages to go.

101009...5th

2009-10-10T07:57:00.000-07:00

strawberry yogurt cheese cake - insanely sinful

the birthday boy blowing his candles

today is arif's bday. 10.10.2009. his 5th bday. a simple do at my sister's place. why at her place than ours? senang je...sebab dia buat open house. so, tumpang sekaki. buat sekali our niece's 12th bday which is on 11 oct. takpe celebrate awal. we dont mind, and dia pun suka.

arif finally got his remote control car which he has been bugging me to get him since balik raya kelantan and we threw in another toy, spiderman figurine which he saw at her cousin's engagement last week. seronok la anak ni...tak peduli dah bday cake. although he likes cakes.

remote control car

Arif with his spiderman figurine and Marsya GEFF @ Gedik & Enter Frame Forever

birthday girl al-syahirah ayuni sorrounded by cousins and lil sis (in pink-striped)

Ya with her bday presents

arif with cousins

the happy family with bday girl

arif with ayah and mama

something missing though. abang afiq tak de to join the celebration. he is in Melaka, learning as an apprentice at one of the bakery shops there. miss him. tak biasa dia not around for special celebrations like this. ayahnye dok sebut...afiq tak de tak best la. we are blessed, his 2 sisters ada to melayan adik.

next year...10.10.10, (canteeek kan nombor nih????) will be arif's 6th bday.

hopefully there are many more celebrations next year.

1 inch less

2009-10-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

i was at the tailor this afternoon. waist kurang 1 inch. yeahoooooo!!!!! mesti maintain ni...semangat ni....next visit to the tailor, biar kurang lagi another inch (macam la pegi tailor tiap2 bulan). ntah2 next visit, tambah 2 inci. AAArrggghhh!!!!! TIDAAAAAKKKKKK....!!!!!!

heheheh....dont ask me what is the measurement. but, smaller than my daughter's...hahahaha, sure atikah marah baca ni. at my age, metabolism pun makin slow, as slow as the siput. makan pun nak sukat. kalau selera macam siput ok la...ni, macam ikan paus!!!

tambah2 pulak bulan org semangat buat open house, maka selera pun semakin open. buat syarat...amik bau je la. usik sikit2 hujung2 sudu. adakah aku tak berapa betol? memang pun. how la we only consume all those wonderful spread dgn hujung sudu je.

do u know how tough it is to be in shape and maintain good figure in malaysia. extremely tough, i tell u. ahhh...u know it already kan? there are food everywhere. we are the food loving people. kalau setakat jamu biskut kering je, buat jadi bahan je till the next generation (lainla u nak makan sendiri sebab nak simpan duit nak beli bungalow), paling2 kodi pun, goreng pisang, cekodok ke. lagi berminyak, lagi laju. how? susah...susah... macam mana la tak melompat kat tailor tadi...ala2 menang 1st prize lucky draw company (yang tak pernah menang pun).

blame it on something...

2009-10-09T03:07:00.000-07:00

here i am alone at the office trying to settle some backlogs. so much to do with so little time. is it really that or just bad time management? maybe not wanting to delegate is another factor or the classic of all reasons...no one can do it better than me. hah!!! muhasabah diri...muhasabah diri...have a great weekend guys. lets add more to those kgs!!!!

OTW home series 2 - It was an unusual crawl

2009-10-02T08:01:00.000-07:00

It was an unusual crawl on the way home today. Awww...mannnn....what now???? please la people...i want to go home, i am so tired. it was a long day and even a longer week. i just wanna go home, rest and sleep. it is hard enough to patiently inch my way with the usual crawl and today, the crawl is getting worse. some drivers were cutting other drivers...the normal scene during traffic jams in KL. the most of these kiasus advanced are just one or two cars ahead of you. so much stress of manouvering the steering and your achievement is just that? why do we become a different person when we are behind the wheels? we become selfish, inconsiderate, evil even...why do the police need to have all those Ops Sikaps during festive holidays? Our drivers are like school children need to be told to behave and to stay in line or else...can we ever change?

Back to the unusual crawl on my way home. I normally take the PLUS KL-Seremban hiway and the crawl started way before the Sg Besi toll. a stretch which normally takes less than 5 minutes, took more than 40 minutes. As we passed the toll booths, the crawl reached its most congested number. the traffic was like having constipation. stuck and hard and bad. 500 meters took another 20 minutes. i finally reached to the cause of the congestion. at the opposite road, i saw a big trailer at the side of the road, a motobike and two bodies on the road, motionless. Both bodies were each covered with white and black plastics body bags. a police patrol car was there with a few police personnels. within that few seconds when passing by the scene, i could see blood was all over the dead bodies. i immediately stop all the curses which i was ready to release. i even feel a little shaky to drive at the fast lane. must admit that i usually take the right lane at this stretch but tonight, i took the left lane. No, i did not take photo. i won't, even if i have the opportunity to do so.

How sorry I am for the families of the victims. i know how it feels to lose loved ones that way. to receive tragic news that you have lost your family in an accident is very excruciating. you could be with them just this morning or this afternoon, and then...there are no longer with you forever. i do hope that the families will be brave to go through the ordeal. to be strong and go on living.

Please be careful on the road dear friends and families. Reminding myself too. when we decide to turn the steering to the left or right, make sure that we have taken all the necessary safety measures. I know that there are evil drivers out there who does not consider the safety of others as long as he gets his way by cutting queues, haphazard his way through traffic. when that happens to you, it is as though you could hear him laughing while shouting at you...LOSER!!!! feel like wanna kick his ass!!! or at least smash his wind screen with a baseball bat!!! (bad huh??)

Please drive carefully...be safe.

Arif at SDMC

2009-09-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

Abg Afiq looking worried, ayah sleepy, mama....snapping away

weak smile for the camera

annoyance...'dah le tu mama...!!!!'

At Sime Darby Medical Centre (SDMC) since 3 am yesterday. We had to rush Arif who was having high fever, vomiting...Arif has always been an active boy, but when he is not well, as u can see from the pix below...looks so weak and grumpy. Tonite is my 2nd nite camping here and sleeping on the RM10/nite rented kerusi malas. Arif kept on asking me to take him home. "How can i do that Arif if u are still not well", kept on explaining that to him. The reason for him wanting to be home is to get that remote control car he has been asking since we got back from Kelantan. Saw the remote control car at his uncle's house. Jusco is so near the house and...well...u know la...want to go there and look for one.

Right now Arif is on his 2nd bottle of sodium cloride and glucose intravenous infusion (that's what it said at the bottle). His fever, has gone down. But he is still vomiting and cirit-birit. hopefully we dont have to be here for the 3rd nite.

Selamat Menyambut Kemerdekaan

2009-08-30T20:22:00.001-07:00

31st August is a public holiday. The norm on this date is the big merdeka parade we watch on TV. Not many is willing to let go their morning sleep and brave through the crowd at Dataran Merdeka to witness the parade live. Watch it on TV is much preferred. Live also mahhh.....I personally like the 'acara padang'. The many formations, surely they have practised for months. kesian budak2 tu.

If we were to ask our children what do they know about kemerdekaan, they would repeat those words which they learn from text books or repeat from what others are saying. Hey, dont forget, the local media is another point of reference. Merely paroting it. Do they truly understand it? blink....blink....

What do we know about kemerdekaan? I think we have taken it for granted far too long. We look forward to 31st August as it is a public holiday, extra rest day. The rest of it, well...u know...lepak and watch tv (they have special programmes for merdeka, u know), shopping, outing with friends or maybe some other chores. i'm talking about me la....

I remember when as a child and my parents were still around, they would be busy with their political activities. Those 'kapal layar' badges were all over our house. My parents were active loyal supporters of our political leaders. It is unfortunate that i did not have the opportunity to learn and understand how it was then. Really understand it. Even I, post merdeka child, read all the struggle for independence from text books.

Right now we are witnessing a new wave of 'independence fighters'..., seeking for freedom of speech, freedom to express...part of democracy. We are witnessing street demonstrations which sometimes turned ugly. These demonstators are mostly orang Melayu. The supporters, just like my parents, believe in the cause that are being championed by the leaders. Those are the very people that the leaders rely upon for them to remain as leaders. The very heads that the leaders stand on to for them to remain leaders.

We do not know the outcome and the result of this 'fight'. Maybe the children of our children will then read all these in their history text books as they continue celebrating another public holiday which falls on 31st August.

1 Malaysia - u tell me

2009-08-20T05:14:00.000-07:00

Rakyat didahulukan, pencapaian diutamakan.

Big words huh? too ideal. when i first read the tagline, aahh...another political agenda....sick of it. pleaseee la.......

we see the logo at every corners, billboard, main stream media. big advertising budget for sure. those media houses, advertising agencies and vendors for the campaign can be assured of good company returns as the campaign will surely last many months and years to come. just like any other government campaigns, when it is at the intro stage we will see the main stream media, supporting all the way by splashing the concept all over their media channels with hope that the people will give support or at least are aware of such campaign. do we even bother to understand what the message are all about. no need to do that people as it will be shoved down yr throat anyway. we are practically bombarded with information and we the people have no choice but to read it, listen to it.

YAB Perdana Menteri said this when explaining the concept of 1 Malaysia,

"1 Malaysia bererti rakyat Malaysia berdiri, berfikir dan bertindak sebagai Bangsa Malaysia dengan “mengambil tindakan-tindakan berdasarkan kehendak semua kumpulan etnik dalam negara kita”.

what is that???

hey, don't get me wrong. i love my country.

so, are we really into 1 Malaysia? are we really? honestly, do we need such campaign to be a Malaysian? the true spirit of being a Malaysian. Yasmin Ahmad with her heart warming festive ads, those are all about capturing the Malaysian spirit. her ads pulled the strings of our hearts and her messages made us think. we understand as we relate to her messages.

do we relate to 1 Malaysia messages? i dont think so....

p.s.

have u visited 1 Malaysia official website? (www.1malaysia.com.my) so much of Najib's face there, do not fear people, there are more of him as the website is also linked to YouTube, flickr, twitter. we get to see what being a PM is all about. he is all over the place, i tell u!!!!

is 1 Malaysia=Najib? u tell me...

OTW home series 1

2009-08-19T06:54:00.001-07:00

location : Taman Seri Serdang - maghrib

I was lucky...to have captured these shots.

OTW work series 2

2009-08-19T04:38:00.000-07:00

These pics were taken near Taman Universiti, Seri Kembangan. Time : 7.05 am. biasalah...acara berbaris depan traffic light...while waiting, appreciating God's gift.

OTW work series 1

2009-08-19T04:23:00.000-07:00

Pics captured on the way to work...amidst the traffic congestion, defensive and not so defensive drivers....

Decided to take the Putra Jaya Hiway to KL today. Branding and Marketing course to attend at Sheraton Hotel.

so much for highways..the Putra Jaya hiway, exit Pandan. RM2.50 and....... hello!!!!! start crawling people...

yup...still inching away the hiway...

nothing much to do but the enjoy the scenery, KL skyline from a distance

Arif suka cake

2009-08-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

"ma, on the way home later, pls buy a cake for arif", my husband pesan. "dok merengek dgn i ni. only u know what he likes", my hb kindda put it to me to settle this pressuring matter. i was between calls and deadline. "ok", i said. i left the office, late and had to brave through the traffic. about to reach home, singgah the laundrette to pick up my dry cleaning, then to the nearby shop to buy bread, also pesanan penaja di rumah. reached home....so late. Upon seeing my face, beloved husband asked, "did u get the cake?" tepuk dahi!!!!NOOOO...i forgot all about it and the nearby bakery dah tutup. to lessen the impact, took anak2 out for teh tarik and while waiting for our orders, conveyed to arif the bad news that dearest mama forgot his cake. His response was this ...

if stare could kill....i was dead!!!

he was upset. isn't that obvious? i promised him to buy him a cake the next day....with much pujuk and sugar coated words and more promises, with a heavy heart, he said ok....

the next day, mama kept her promise and brought a cake for him. no special occassion, he just wants to blow the candles, that's all. upon seeing the cake, his face was full of delight as u can see here.....

muka manis macam gula...macam cake tu la...

It was not meant to be, mak

2009-08-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

i have been writing this ...so called my 1st novel for months....i even have the title for it already...."Katakan kasihku", ye la...love story. it kindda stuck there in that thumb drive. not moving anywhere. the plot and sub plots are there, the characters are there. the whole damn storyline is there. but whatever u call it, writer's block...whatever...the pages were not added. i dont have the feel to continue. keep on staring at the screen whenever i have that little urge left in me to continue the writing. i must complete this, i kept on telling myself, many, many times. but there i was staring at the screen...no additional words, no additional sentences that would eventually become my 1st best seller. maybe i will continue this tomorrow, i tell myself again and again...went on with my life, busy with work. fair share of good and bad stuff along the way...add colours to life, well u know the rest. the normal daily life.

today, the plot and subplots are no longer there, the characters are gone, those pages that i have written are all gone. erased accidently when prompted with virus attack on my thumb drive. bye-bye my 1st novel, bye-bye my 1st master piece.

was i upset? very much at the beginning. but i soon realised that i was not really happy with my own writing and that was the reason for delaying and writer's block. it was not meant to be. Maybe that was not my best writing. Allah SWT belum mengizinkannya lagi.

i know now that when i have that creative juice flowing, i must not allow anything to stop it from flowing...write it all down, quickly before it run dry.

need to get away for a few days, away from distractions and focus on my writing. when will that ever happen? my target, to have a book completed by year end...and later with a published title to my name, just like what arwah mak wanted me to be, a writer just like her and i will use her nick for my writings. her nick was, marinah...

InsyaAllah, mak....

Semua daripadaNya

2009-05-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

i would be lying if i say that my umrah trip tidak merisaukan. gusar dan gemuruh for months. decided to go for umrah in october last year. There were issues and i needed to seek for answers. At the moment, going for umrah was my best option. The main problem then was, wanna go but no money. how???? However, i was adamant that i want to go...

one fine day, right after isyak, was staring at the wall thinking of means for the trip, it dawned on me of what to do and ikhtiar apa...masa tu juga, air mata bagai tak boleh dibendung-bendung lagi mengalir deras. Sebelum itu buntu sesangat, bagaikan magis, idea menjelma ke dalam benak fikiran. there is light at the end of the tunnel. dari mana datangnya idea ini jika tidak dengan kuasa dan izin Illahi.

Planned to go in April...but after some traveling arrangement hiccups, we moved to June. But, we were advised that it will be very hot then....so how? Dah tergedik2 nak pergi juga. No more seats with Tabung Haji in April. Alhamdulillah, we were fortunate that we managed to secure seats in April, just like it was originally planned. How do we deny what is destined...?

Our umrah was from April 23 to May 5, 2009.

3 in 1 birthday celebration

2009-05-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

arif dgn fav cousinsnye

amongst the friends yang dtg

BBQ pit with the big boys

arif pun nak tiup lilin juga...

last saturday...celebrated the birthdays of my 3 children. afiq's and marsya's birthday is on 21st may and atikah's on 22 may. ramai tanya for tips on how we managed to have children with same birthdates, well almost the same dates...no tips, just rezeki daripadaNya, atas kehendakNya juga..Alhamdulillah. Although they share same birthdates, perangai are so lain between them. Abang, quite reserved, dont say much, handal with computer games., sensitive...Atikah, the popular one, lots of friends, the musical inclination., can sing. Marsya, the gedik one. dream of becoming the Permaisuri Agung one day...(hehehe), love acting and of course the drama princess of the house....

we normally would celebrate their birthdays sekali, 3 in 1 and we have not been doing it for the past 4 years. tiap2 tahun dok merengek, especially marsya. so finally tahun ini, we have one for the 3 of them. Afiq ikut je...Atikah and Marsya yang dok atur the menu...mama cooked. they wanted to have BBQ, ikut je...they invited their friends. mama and ayah invited the family. the house was a hive of activities from noon till midnite. but they were happy....mama and ayah were dead tired....

Arif's bday is in October...

Booster, anyone?

2009-05-25T07:57:00.000-07:00

Has always been a problem of mine to menyahut panggilan alam if i am at a new place. mekah is no exception. different diet, different weather...can disrupt anyone's daily lives. gas built up is no laughing matter. especially when u are in mekah. ideally should always be in wuduk. tak kan la 10 kali sekejap nak kena amik wuduk. u know what i mean...kan? to answer this 'little gas and waste issue', we were fortunate for a tip from my sister who got it from her sis in-law. a simple recipe which any 5 yr old pun boleh buat.

beli laban or yogurt which are sold in carton and mango juice or tropical juice. an equal amount of laban and juice, mix it well.....lepas tu apa lagi telan la...elok amik after isyak...so that when u wake up for yr subuh prayers, the booster will be doing its job! InsyaAllah, bila solat, perut pun does not emit any polution to the environment and u will be in wuduk longer than usual, tanpa gangguan untuk menyahut panggilan alam or the need to take fresh wuduk.

Booster anyone? cubalah...if u face the same problem, do like we did..like i do..eh we did...eh...

Selingan 1

2009-05-16T04:36:00.000-07:00

I like this, simple yet meaningful...hopefully u like it too

The power of choice

Choose to love, rather than hate
Choose to laugh, rather than cry
Choose to create, rather than destroy
Choose to persevere, rather than quit
Choose to praise, rather than gossip
Choose to heal, rather than wound
Choose to give, rather than steal
Choose to grow, rather than rot
Choose to pray, rather than curse
Choose to live, rather than die
Choose to say something nice, rather than hurtful words
Choose to do something nice, rather than hurtful actions

We have a choice, choose wisely

#from the book "Say Something Nice"

Massive people, traffic, dust and ....black veil

2009-05-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

The temperature was between 43 degrees to 45 degrees when in mekah. Panas!!!! tapi tak berani nak cakap apa2. Redha je la. Diam je la...go with the flow je la.... Kalau panas, pakai payung, pakai sun block, wear dark glasses. me and kakak bought for ourselves a veil to protect us from the dust and the sun. we were the black ninjas!!!! the difference between me and the arabs when wearing that was...hidung ku tidak mancung!!! bila pakai, kain dok tersedut sekali masuk hidung when i breath. hehehe...hidung pelepah nyior macam tu la...

the black ninjas

Mekah is so the sibuk. Massive construction. hotel2 lama dirobohkan, bukit2 batu diratakan. habuk...ish tak usah cerita la. the objective is to besarkan Masjidil Haram, improved infrastructure for pilgrims. more comfort, convenience. pening juga when i first arrived there. dengan manusia yang ramai, the noise, the habuk, the traffic....so much difference dengan madinah. But soon i got accustomed to that, alhamdulillah.

The journey begins

2009-05-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

Our umrah journey started with a delayed flight for 2.5 hrs. Saudi Arabia Airlines flight KUL to Jeddah was suppose to take off at 3.00 but took off at 5.30pm. Is this a sign? “Ya Allah,…permudahkan urusan kami…permudahkan perjalanan kami. Jangan kau uji kami dengan dugaan yang tak mampu kami tanggung.” Well, must remain positive. Dugaan kecil sahaja. Just enjoyed the moment.

Before we took off, we were to wait at the departure hall before finally boarding the plane…well another security check point… …scanned our hand luggage…and hey news flash!!!! no water, fluid into the plane…whatever u have in the bag, drink it all. Just bought a 750ml mineral water, throw it or, yup….drink it all before boarding…me and my sis had to finish it all between giggles that is…glug, glug, glug…lepas tu …bila jalan berkocak perut….hehehehe…

Slept for the 1st 2 hours of the journey. Lepas tu terlelap sekali sekala. Buat la revision le sket hafal doa2 apa yang patut. The meals on board…well, have tasted better. But, no complaints. Alhamdulillah, rezeki malam tu.

After the meal, terlelap kejap…tetiber, dengar comotion? What?...ada 2 mamat arab bertumbuk about 10 rows away from us. Hey action drama! Wow, they really swing their punches.. the stewardess was running looking for help, soon after a steward was running to the scene and both were separated. Phew!!!..One of them was taken to the business class. Ok le…lepas bertumbuk, dapat masuk business class. The other man…remain at the same seat.

We arrived at Jeddah International Airport at 1.50 am (Malaysia time) or 8.50 pm local time. How long was the flight? 8 hrs 15 minutes. Di Jeddah, filling in the disembarcation form, smooth immigration. We were greeted by the THTS and was ushered to the coaster which will ferry us to Madinah. Kira berapa orang…dah cukup? Mana lagi 5 orang? 1½ jam tunggu, rupanya…kes beg hilang. Alahai….senyap je la. Jgn complaint. Masalah org lain lagi teruk. Beg hilang. Kita setakat tunggu je. Naik coaster for the next 5 hours. Stop for Isyak and dinner. Sejuk juga kat desert ni. Makan nasi ayam mandi tengah2 malam...ish...tersekak tekak. Sampai di Madinah at 4.30am, dah nak subuh.

Go there when u are still strong

2009-05-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

Secara umum...pergilah perform yr umrah or haj (kalau u have the financial standing) when u are still young. u need the physical strength. bukan dalam mengerjakan ibadat tapi to fend the others for u to perform yr ibadat. generally, the arabs are aggressive lot. kita orang asia ni, terlalu lembut and bersopan santun. the malaysians and indonesians wear putih and they wear black. Kita kecik, and they are bigger and bolder. survival of the foetus really... nak solat pun kena berhati2 takut kena langkah je bila tengah sujud, or worse, kena pijak. kalau they pintas your path when u tgh solat, that's normal....mula2 tu terkejut and geram juga, tapi bila dah lama...lali and i did the same. bukan apa must understand the need coz the space in the mosque are limited and jemaah ramai, so kongsi la sikit sorang.

the arabs juga suka lepak kat masjid. macam kita kat sini, suka lepak kat shopping complexes. anak beranak kat sana. dari yang baby sampai la ke datuk nenek. yang tak boleh jalan, wheelchair ada. between waktu, berkelah kat situ. food and drinks dari rumah. Air zam-zam aplenty. siap ada yang tapau air zam-zam balik ke rumah pun ada. bergelen-gelen la. tapi semua peringkat umur ada kat sana. yang bawak anak kecil, sebelum solat the kids behaved well, bila emak solat...wah!!!!semua melalak. mula2 tu so upset with the extra background 'music' but soon u get used to it and as though it is part of the whole process.

Blog ku sepi...

2009-05-14T07:41:00.000-07:00

Pose with anak2 before we depart for Jeddah

i have not been updating this blog for months. the writer's block melanda. bz pulak dgn new department and projek2 lain yang menggila. feel tak mari nak buat camne...insyaallah will try and update apa yang patut. baru balik mengerjakan ibadah umrah with my husband, sister and brother in-law. entirely new experience for me especially. eye-opener, self realisation, insaf le betapa semua dalam dunia ni tak akan happening selagi tanpa izinNya. alhamdulillah, i am blessed and kira macam guided coz my sister performed her haj in 2007. so kira macam ada personal adviser gitu. kalau my sis tak de, sure melilau. love u kakak. selain selalu menangis keinsafan, kira macam empangan pecah ever so often, sentiasa bersyukur dengan rezeki yang dianugerahi Illahi...

nanti i will update bit by bit my 2 weeks umrah.

The chef in the making

2009-01-10T02:27:00.000-08:00

Afiq dah habis belajar di Giatmara, peringkat sijil, 6 bulan je. This is his first step towards pursuing his interest in culinary or rather about food. He loves food, eating it! His plans to study about culinary surprised many, especially me. He is looking for work right now and we are seeking for other institutions for him to pursue his studies.

As part of his requirement at Giatmara, kena prepare menu and jadi chef of the day. All of them have to take turns. Afiq discussed with me on the menu to be presented. Well, to cut the chase my husband and I were there for lunch savouring Afiq and team's effort. The menu was :

brocolli soup

Appetiser : Trio salsa

Main course : tenderloin steak

the steak from a better angle (with mama in the frame)

another main course : grilled chicken

dessert : poached peach

mama enjoying the soup

on your mark, get set...GO!

Ayah and mama with the chef in the making

Afiq and his team

For that western set lunch we paid RM12.00 per pax....mana nak dapat beb!!!! harga macam tu kat KL nih!!!! The service was 5star...the students memang polite and charming, attended to your needs immediately. Cikgu pun datang menyapa the 'customers'. Bagus betooolllll.....Kudos to all the cikgus yang ngajor bebudak ni.

Unconditional Happiness

2009-01-08T06:51:00.000-08:00

I always believe that we have our own role to play in this world. We are here for a purpose. All of us are inter-connected, be it in physical or spiritual. We need each other to make this big messy world go round. It is unfortunate that there are people who needs to flaunt powers and influence on others and when that happens somebody will have take the fall. one fallen soul is a victory to another.

The recent development in my career (if we want to call it a career) gives me a little jolt. The incident also gave me some light on who my friends are. The sympathy and understanding from friends are most appreciated and treasured. But no matter how much others might convey their concern and good wishes, it is still up to u to accept the facts of life. be it bitter or sweet, be it happy or sorrow.

I will take up this new challenge in my stride. I have gone through much tougher challenges and this is another hurdle that I have to overcome. Others might see it as 5 steps back, but I take it as an opportunity to learn and gain new experiences and knowledge. I only seek for happiness for me and others. My doa is for this company to soar to greater heights.

I quote this from a book i read recently...

"happiness is not the result of favorable conditions. It work the other way round. Favorable conditions is the results of happiness. What does it takes to be happy?

It is nothing more than a willingness to be happy.

Happiness comes from the way we respond to life. There are people who have every reason to be miserable, but who still live with happiness and joy. In every life, there is room for happiness.

Everyone has challenges. Everyone has disapointments. Yet these challenges do not have to get us down. True happiness comes not from the absence of problems. True, enduring happiness comes in spite of the problems. Happiness is not a reaction. It is a choice."

GK 4

2008-11-15T06:52:00.000-08:00

My next entry of my Kinabalu climb. It has been more than 8 months, and the story is so the basi. Tapi kengkawan kata, so what? it is yr story...peduli apa? Betul juga....Lagipun, ingat pesanan arwah Mak Yah, "when we do something, do not leave it half way, undone mesti habiskan". So bear with me.....

Our group. I can still smile...amidst feeling excited and nervous

The morning of the climb, Tipohon Gate point.

With all the hustle and bustle and hive of activities....did not lessen my nervousness. it accelerated as we took the van for Timpohon Gate, the starting point. bila van stopped, Francis, our guide kata..."ok, dah sampai." Alamak! dah sampai? cepatnya....jalan le sikit lagi....I'm not ready!!!!! I want to turn back...nak balik!!!!!!! waaaaaa!!!!!!! apa aku buat ni????????? (the voices in my head masa tu....half of me, nak balik...and the other saying "YES!!!! this is it. do or die!!!). my perut, usah citer. Rasa tunggang terbalik, macam nak kuar balik my breakfast. Kecut perut, nervous. Sewel sekejap. Tapi, tak tau macam mana boleh coordinate the brain and the kaki to get my butt off the van and trying to stay as calm as possible. my face was between pucat and excited....again, sewel....

Timpohon Gate - Selamat Mendaki

FH and I bought ourselves a RM3 walking stick. Harry had her own walking stick. Specially flown from KL, diperturunkan from her dear brother yang dah sampai Kinabalu. Francis said that the stick would help us climb as we go along the difficult trail later. sort of putting your weight on the stick. ha? ye ke? beli jangan tak beli....!!!! nampak macam kayu nenek kebayan je. i need that, whatever support i can get, even a nenek kebayan stick. hopefully it will make my life easier for the next few hours. the next grilling and difficult hours climbing the Kinabalu trail. eee...yahoo...!!!...eee......Yahooooo!!!! (can't decide whether to stay excited or terrified).

It was most memorable, those 1st few steps after the Timpohon Gate as i convince myself, "so...whatever happens up the trail, I must reach the peak of Kinabalu....merangkak pun mesti sampai juga!!!!". with that, langkah pertama, kedua, ketiga and seterusnya.....

There were 10 of us when we started the trail and for the 1st few steps I was the 3rd person and FH was my walking partner. Never far from me (me, sentiasa di belakang) and as usual....we were yakking away... semua tahu dengan bercerita dengan kadar yang banyak dan tanpa henti boleh menjadi a good therapy. I was actually trying to kurangkan my fear (yup, i was nervous) and hopefully by talking could reduce that fear in me. It worked, sebab dok jalan suka hati lenggang mak limah for both of us...and dalam bercakap ala2 marathon tu kena berhati-hati juga biji butirnya. Bukan apa, dalam hutan, atas gunung, jangan cakap suka hati, nanti jumpa benda2 yang we do not want to meet, sebab pesanan penaja Francis dah suruh berhati2 dalam apa juga keadaan.

Posing with my faithful kayu nenek kebayan

After 10 minutes, my group dah berderai...and me, can't cope with their pace. Orang muda semuanya and fitness level yang much better than me. Being the oldest in that group, I have an excuse to keep a slower pace... FH clearly is better than me...lagi banyak dia bercakap, lagi laju dia jalan....me, well....slower. Nak maintain stamina, takut pancit halfway.

The trail are of rocky paths and steps...lots of it. there are also man made steps...not the concrete steps mind u, batu-batu disusun macam tangga. now i understands why they say that if u can conquer the steps of Batu Caves, u have reached Kinabalu....yeah, right.... Anyway, u have to be very careful when u take those steps. would not want to exert yourself right? There were other climbers as we follow the trail (mestila...) young, old and children of various nationalities. The mat sallehs are so strong and so fit....and im so the jeles. We bumped into a group of veteran climbers. they are so fit. Can put any young climber to shame (including me). One of them gave us a useful tip. Make sure u plan your steps. Don't take big leapy steps, make smaller ones. That will not strain your leg muscles. Ah...yes... that was what we did, FH and I...smaller steps as we take the rocky paths.., smaller steps...

We were informed by other climbers descending the trail, it rained the day before and going up the trail was difficult and slippery. We were lucky coz that was a sunny morning...hmmmm, wonderful.... No wonder it was so foggy and misty all over and yes...cooling too. Imagining myself in a scene of Lord of the Ring. Me, Frodo and FH is Sam..hehehe.

We noticed that pleasanties were exchanged when climbers bumped into other climbers. FH and I were too busy calculating our small steps..but we observed.

Must admit, I was slow. FH can't wait for me any longer as I was dragging and slowing her pace. She left me as we approached the 4th kilometre up the trail. Its ok my friend. I was so far back from my group and amongst the climbers there were no familiar faces. Approaching the 5th kilometre there was Li Li. Yup, she was alone too. But she was too slow, taking too much time snapping photos. I was too tired to even take out the camera from my backpack. it was getting too strenous for me. I think this is the point where i questioned my judgement..."siapa yang bodoh sangat nak put myself into all these trouble and rasa macam nak pitam and feel like giving up?" Yup, ME! I don't give up easily coz if I set my mind on it, I will succeed. But this one....hmmmm I was doubtful. But I surely would not want to be the one for the guide to rescue just because i have given up and not to resume climbing anymore. NO..not me!!!!!

All I wanted to do was just to reach Laban Rata. This is serious...I was so tired even my earlopes were exhausted. No more enjoying nature and the scenery, just one target...to reach the rest house and rest.

After much gruelling hours, i finally reached Laban Rata. I was exausted, hungry and cold....and to add spice to that...it was raining....I dont care about my rain coat in my back pack. What's that? It does not compute. Rain? water only mah...cold freezing water from the sky.....I'm here yes!!!!!! where is my group? Where are they? They have forgotten me? uwwwaaaaa.....!!!!! Hey, there's Li Li. "Aik? bila dia potong aku ni?" I asked. Macam hantu raya la dia ni...sedar-sedar dah depan, I swear that I left her way back.

I called FH. She said our rest house is at Gunting Lagadan and guess what? I need to walk a little further up the trail from Laban Rata. More walking? I can hardly stand!!!! I need to climb more steps and rocky slopes to get to our rest house at Gunting Lagadan. I took another 15 minutes as I crawled those rocks. I finally reached Gunting Lagadan at about 3.30pm to the welcoming applause and cheers from my group members. Yeahhh.....!!! I'm finally here for the 1st half of Gunung Kinabalu. We started the trail at 9am from Timpohan Gate and reached Gunting Lagadan at 3.30pm - 6.5 hours with god knows how many stops and breathers and swearing at myself for doing this....

At the rest house after 6.5 hours, shower and hot holicks....i think i shed 2 kg that day....

Mama's little ultraman

2008-10-30T08:07:00.001-07:00

Arif giving his favourite pose

"Mama...Arif nak pegi Jusco....jom la...., jom la...mama" that is Arif's my youngest daily dialoque. Merengek....This is the problem for having a shopping complex so near the house. Although just a small complex, it is sufficient to cater for our needs. And in this case, Arif's needs. Why does he asks this everyday? Coz there is where he gets his ultraman figurines and VCDs. He is so into ultraman. Memorizes the theme song, in Japanese! Cakap pun tak berapa betul. (Arif apa ni? pointing my finger to my forehead. He will surely know this. Taught him just the day before.... ....mmm...da...da....daaa...DAHSYAT!!!!....selamba...and he continues with his ultraman VCD...while i was rolling with laughter...).

Don't know what facinates him with ultraman. He knows the names of the various ultramans. I onIy see ultraman as ultraman. They may have their different colours and shapes, but ultraman nonethelss. he would act out the fighting scenes between ultraman and those monsters. It is either ayah or mama as the monsters. But I would normally leave that to his ayah...he does that so much better, hehehehe...

Hari Raya = all day dining = family photos

2008-10-09T06:24:00.000-07:00

marsya, arif, ami and ema
makan....

makan lagi

take 5 before the next makan...

this is the after effect of all the makans....

The gediks..

my youngest, arif

my anak2 and ayahnye

the beauties

the skeemas...

The Ghazali and Khadijah clan

(from left) Ayub, kakak, me and abang

The Ghazali and Khadijah clan berkumpul for hari raya at bukit jelutong, shah alam this year. kakak's place. ayob and family joined us from Kuala Pilah. 4 families = 19 of us. when we used to balik raya in Ipoh when arwah Mak Yah was around, we would be taking family photos before the duit raya session for the kids. We continued the tradition at bukit jelutong, not as many but enough to cause havoc. if we gather for raya in ipoh, there would be at least 13 families and that could easily be 40 0f us...the endless makan as we adopted the all day dining concept. this year, the usual, lemang (all the way from Kuala Pilah), rendang daging, rendang ayam, lontong, nasi impit, kuah kacang spread the table. Kakak made nasi tomato. All those kilos shed during ramadhan, was easily piled back by noon.

Kak Chik 4

2008-10-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

To 'HIM' especially

I'll be going away
Shall not come back if possible
I must be free
but to be free, I must be alone
For, you are no longer you used to be
You're no longer for me
It was only infactuation
A rival - your freedom
Staring at each other with feelings of hatred
The victory is yours
My side is always the same
Cos', I've realised and analyse and tend to forget everything
I can only say, forgive me
I shall be in touch
When the time is taken - for the RIVAL is over
But now I'll be moving on
Down south to Shah Alam

-----------------------++---------------------------------------

Farewell won't be so hard to say
When the time comes, I'll say it
Maybe with a smile, maybe a cry
If that matters much
Yes, I guess it won't
Cos', I'll be leaving just the same
Sad or happy

-----------------------++---------------------------------------

Before I go away - in all sincerity
I should like to thank you & clique for the trouble you have given me
Many lovely things were done
And many kind words said
May you be rewarded in the years that lie ahead

ooooss and aaaahhhhsss...

2008-09-20T04:01:00.000-07:00

I left secondary school, Sek Men. Taman Sea in 1981. Co-ed school but my class semua girls, except 2 boys. The torns among the roses. Joined the school in 1979 after 2 years at Methodist Girls School in Ipoh. Being the new student, not many friends, just Jamilah, the girl who was seated next to me. Whatever happened to that girl? we lost contact after she left school at the same year. she did not get through SRP or maybe moved to another school. Not sure. Form 4 and Form 5, the same class mates. Class teacher, Mrs. Chandran, a real darling. Sporting, understanding, funny...we just love her. Love u Mrs. C!!! Being the devoted teacher she was, Mrs. C explained to us about the birds and the bees (tried to) to us bunch of 'innocent' girls. We were full of 'oooos' and 'aaaahhhhs'.....(talk about going with the flow). Hey... we were 17, we know these stuff, although there were no internet and the world was so big then but we managed to get enough information or to some the experience. Anyway, that was that.

Since we left school, we had 2 get together sessions. Mrs. C came for our 1st session. Amazing woman. She looked the same as i remembred her. How can that be? She would be what...close to 60 years old. But she does not age a bit. That nite, she made us relate to her what happened in our lives since we left school. Patiently she listen to all our stories. My admiration to this lady, she remembers all our names. Of course yours truly was one her favorites coz she said i was the most cheeky among the malay girls and of course she said that she still remembers me with my comb at hand always attending to my hair...heheheh..Not anymore Mrs. C. Now I just brush my hair once in the morning and the 2nd time would be after my shower at night. Now i keep it short, senang....then i had this long layered hair which i make sure that it stayed gorgeous all day. I had this big red coloured comb. Can't go anywhere without it... nanti i post gambor rambut masa tu...kelakar...(kena cari dulu kat mana album masa sekolah dulu)

The second gathering was in July this year. Mrs. C could not make it. My close friend Chitra and her 3 daughters came, Kit May, came with her daughter came all the way from Kuantan. When girls meet up after so many years, u can imagine the havoc and the noise. We karaoked and sembang till midnite. We promised to do this again. All the gatherings will not happened if not because of the constant reminder from the organiser, Suzie Ong. Rajin betul dia ni organise benda2 macam ni. Thanks again Suzie.

The fumes of cars and the KL lites

2008-08-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

This morning, 7th July 2008, i was warned of the possible massive traffic jam into the city as DSAI will be presented in court and charge for sodomy. So, the police are taking early precaution by having road blocks at various roads into KL with hope that they could control the in-flow of possible rioters into the city. I take the Besraya Hiway on daily basis and true enough i was welcomed with congested traffic near the UPM intersection. Aaarrrggghhhh!!!!! here we go again. My husband and i were cursing away and soon realise that we can't do much about it except allowing our anger to control us. We were not alone, i bet other drivers were also cursing and allowing their anger and annoyance to get the better of them. We decided to enjoy the jam and made up stories of what other drivers might be thinking at that particular moment, but we failed miserably as it was challenging for us to divert our attention from the agony of inching the hiway.

I just have one question to the Police, have they ever thought that the so called rioters might be taking the public transportation instead and not organise car pools? We, the citizen just want to go to work without going through the endless and pointless crawling on the road. Hey!!! harga minyak naik le oi!!!! tak reti-reti ke? Pedih hati bile tengok the petrol meter kat keta tu cepat sgt turun....absorbing the petrol macam sponge....and here we are burning the petrol on the road because the police buat road blocks!

What amaze me is that how this man, DSAI can be the cause of massive traffic jams for us the law-abiding citizen. This is also an excellent reason for habitual latecomers to tell their bosses why thay are late for work...'ada traffic jam la...DSAI kena tangkap lagi hari ni!"

It is up to u

2008-06-24T23:55:00.000-07:00

Enjoying my birthday cupcakes, with love from Aida...thanks so much Aida...sedap....

My birthday was on Monday, 23 June. Adding another year to my age. 44 oledi...Haiya!!!! or, only 44??? Either way..it is up to u how u see things. U want to sulk or u want to celebrate? Heeeyyyy!!!! celebrate darling!!!! Celebrate life, celebrate for my loved ones, my children, my family, my friends, U complete me...hehehehhe...

If given the chance to live my life all over again, would I do it differently? Yeah, I might. But not all though. There were regrets, I must admit. But there were also incidents that i would not change for anything. Of course you would want to keep all the good stuff, good feelings and good results. You must take the bad as well, because life is all about learning and enriching one's experience. It is also about memories. If you have no memories, (hey, no memories, would mean amnesia) or maybe not much of excitement in life that would conclude as 'memorable incidents'. Before I got married, I asked my sister, why do people get married? Well, it is for the memories and these memories fill your life. Huh, is that all? I did not get it. I got it now, big time!

No matter which path u take in life (be it for good deed or bad), you will discover that it is u who decide whether u want to be happy or miserable. For example, no matter what the issue is, it is u who decide whether u want to kill that person who has been spreading rumours about u or u would choose to be quiet and lets life takes its course. It is all up to u. If u decide to confront that person, be ready to face all the music, the confrontation, the denials, the lies and more lies. The fact remains that if it is only stories and telling them will make that person popular for sharing so called 'privilledged and juicy gossips', so what? (it is important to be famous nowadays, it seems). People would forget anyway, because it does not concern them. Again, life will takes its course. It is happening now. But then again, you don't spread stories of that person either (if you happen to have some privilledge and juicy stories to share). If you do the same mistake, then stupidity has gain control in your little brain!!! But if those stories are true, then...repent and vow not to do the same mistake again. Another lesson learn, there you go...

My boss advised this to me after an incident at the workplace which left me frustrated, dissapointed and to some extend, bewildered. He said, 'it is up to u to go to a corner and sulk till the end of time. But u can pick up the pieces, strive harder and prove that u are better that what others think'. I was taken aback with the advice at first. To me, why should I? (my ego talking). It was not my fault. If I want to sulk to the end of time, well it is up to me. It is my life after all.

I did not follow his advice. I carried on, bruised, frustrated and unproductive and it was affecting those around me. I was unhappy and it made others uncomfortable. I decided to end all these ill feelings and accept what had happened to me as enriching. I picked up the pieces, strive harder and prove that I'm better than what others think, as what my boss's advice. That decision made it easier for me to forgive. That decision has lifted the burden off my shoulders. It also brought comfort to those around me. No doubt they were sympathetic, but they can't do anything about it. Only I can do something about it. It is all up to me...

Happy Birthday to me...for the 44th time....Yeah!!!!

Kak Chik 3

2008-06-23T18:08:00.001-07:00

Kak Chik's collection of poems

GOODBYE

Goodbye darling
We are parting
You know its sorrow to say goodbye
You'll find someone new and she'll be good to you
Darling, I'm leaving
Kiss me one tender love goodbye
I found out just now
I'm in your way somehow
Darling, don't worry
Parting doesn't always means goodbye
You'll be in my memory and I'll miss you
You're just like the star that miss the sky in my heart, goodbye darling
We are parting
Parting beneath the good sky
I don't know when or where
But darling, I'll be there
Goodbye darling, I'll be there

THIS IS GOODBYE

I bade you goodbye
Trying so hard not to cry
We smiled at parting
But could you not see
That we never meet again
I bade you goodbye
And all too soon it's time to go
One last word you heard me say
Then with eyes so full of dews
I turned and walked away from you
Together we were just for a while
Those days now seem so faraway
And yet memories are so dear today
And if it was just yesterday
We may never meet again
But those things
Those little things you have done to me
Will always in a small voice say
There's a kind heart faraway
As years go by....

LIFE STILL HAS MEANING

If there is a future, there is still time for mending
Time to see your troubles coming to an end
Life is never hopeless, however great your sorrow
If you're looking forward for a new tomorrow
If there's time for wishing...then there's time for hoping
When through doubt and darkness
You're blindly grooping
Though the heart be heavy and hurt you
May be feeling
If there's time for praying
There's time for healing
So if through the window there's a new day breaking
Thank God for the promise
Though mind and soul be asking
Of with harvest over there's grain enough for gleaming
There's tomorrow and
Life still has a meaning

THE SOUVENIR

Though I bid you goodbye
I ask you not to sigh
Your loving face never will I see
Yet memories will never be
We spent many pleasant days
Amidst many friends - always
May this countless happy hours
Be a lasting souvenir of ours
Our friendship then will never last
A constant memory of our past
And some day we shall be together
To share our joy with one another

Father's Day and little tremors

2008-06-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, anak2 and I celebrated Father's Day with Hi-Tea @Crown Princess untuk ayahnya bebudak ni. Cafe on the Tenth, Crown Princess was fully booked, tapi dapat squeeze my reservation at the last minute. This is the time to ask for help from your frens. Thanks Pak Lah.

The thought of going for hi-teas is to the delight of my children sebab so much food to choose from. On the way to the hotel, semua tak sabar nak makan macam-macam, tapi bila sampai sana, boleh tanya..."nak makan apa ek? Tak tau nak makan apa..." I said, well u can take your time to think it over. As for me I want to serbu the spread.

This is the 1st time we celebrated Father's Day kat hotel. Selalunya kat rumah je...like any other day. Extra special sebab mamanya baru je baik dengan ayahnye after a short cold war. This is like celebrating the end of another disagreement between us. This would probably be our 'don't know how many wars' .....well, that's is what you called a normal union between a man and a woman. Sekali-sekali kena ada tremor sket, cuma the richter scale differs. What ever the level of the magnitude, the making up tu yang penting.... yang dah kahwin tu faham la... yang belum kahwin will soon discover.

nanti i share gambar we took masa hi tea and how ayahnye was grinning from ear to ear di kelilingi anak-anak. mama nya tukang amik gambar je...

Kitarongge...Afiq

2008-06-08T19:54:00.000-07:00

me with the boys when sending off Afiq for National Service

My son, Afiq came home from National Service last Saturday. I'm so relieved that he is home, safely. I was a bag of nerves when we found out that he has been shorlisted for NS. I was in denial really hoping that it was just a mistake. But when I saw his name in the NS listing published in the newspapers, I have to face reality. As the weeks goes by, we prepared all his personal needs for the training with a heavy heart. I was worried that he might fall sick there. Will he be eating well there? will he have enough rest? the questions seem to be endless. You see, my son is allergic to medications especially paracetamol. He would develop swollen and red face whenever he had to take paracetamol. There was one time where he was admitted to the hospital because his face was so swollen, we can't even see his eyes. The doctor feared that this would lead to swollen throat as well and difficulty in breathing and that would be very dangerous. When he has fever we can only give him endless 'air badak' and specially brewed chinese traditional herbs. With the newspaper reports on the death of NS trainees, my worry heightened.

But I had to let go sooner or later. I can't display my uncool behavior in front of my family, especially to my husband. If he sees me worry, he would doubly worry...triple even and with his heart condition that is a no-no.

We sent him off in a chartered bus to NS. Destination, Cancun Park, Pasir Mas, Kelantan. My daughter, Atikah was full of tears that day. It came of a surprise to us as Atikah and her brother would quarrel on almost anything and generally they are not very close. Her big brother was clearly moved with Atikah's burst of tears. He hugged her and coaxed her not to cry as he would only be there for 3 months and before we know it he will be back. Atikah said, "Nanti Tikah nak gaduh dengan siapa lepas ni? Abang tak de..." I will remember that scene for the rest of my life. Writing this down today still bring tears to my eyes. How I pray that my children bond with each other. But as usual, there will always be siblings rivalry and squabbling one time or another. But that morning, they reached a moment where whatever difference that they have between them were gone....(momentarily).

"Nanti Tikah nak gaduh dengan siapa lepas ni?...."

Before NS, my son was an introvert, angry boy, like to keep things to himself. Have few friends. His companion when at home is the computer. He would spend hours with it. He is insecure about his physique. He hates his big feet and there were occassions where he wanted to cut off his feet because it was too big and difficult for us to find a pair of shoes for him. he can get quite emo at times. I refuse to accept defeat from my children. I want them to be positive at all times. I want them to see the positive side of things. Things can't be that bad and that is what I want to instill in them. No matter how difficult it is, there will always be a way. We will always on the lookout for shops that offer big sized shoes. No matter where the shop is my husband and I will look for it. But often those biggest size offered were still small for him. I can understand Afiq's frustration. Afiq came home from NS a different person. He bought a present for all of us at home. He used his NS trainee allowance. We don't expect anything from him because as long as he's home, that's all we want. Although it has only been 2 days since he's home, i noticed that he is more responsive, responsible and at least now he can get along with Atikah without the fighting. After witnessing the effect NS on Afiq, I am for NS anytime. (For those who are sceptical about NS should try and send their children there and you will see the difference. I can only say good things about NS and the more of these youngsters go through NS the better).

We visited Afiq At Kem Cancun, Pasir Mas, Kelantan

No matter how matured he is, I still see him as the little Afiq whom throughout his childhood days was a chubby child (all mothers are like that. the children never grew up no matter how old they are). Love to dance to the music of 4U2C. He was 3 or 4 years old then. He is the baby amongst cousins and used to have his cheeks pinched all the time. Now, he is so much taller than them (can't get to his cheeks anymore, too much distance). When he was 3 or 4, his favourite phrase, 'kitarongge' which he picked up from the nursery. When asked what does that word means, his reply was 'kitarongge.... he he..heh ...' so we stopped asking. We went along with the flow...Afiq is not the smartest boy in class. he does not score high marks in his school subjects but whenever I see his face, there is a certain calmness and innocence. I know mothers will see that in the children, no matter what. But this sense of calmness is a lot different with my other children. The girls exudes confidence and they know exactly what they want and Arif, my youngest, well there are a lot to learn about him...he is only 4 yrs old.

Afiq will be taking a course in culinary in July. His interest in culinary was a shocker to us. This is the first time that he expressed his interest. There was no specific area of interest before this. He wanted to be a rapper. I've heard his composition and I don't understand a word of it. But it seems to be popular and circulated amongst his cyber friends.

I hope that I will be able to nurture his interest in culinary and i have explained to him the real world is not as nice and smooth as what you see on TV. What he watched on 703 channel is not the same thing in real life. It will be heat and hard work. You have to start from the bottom and I hope that he is ready for that. My doa is that he will be able to endure it all and survive. Be a good muslim, good son and a good brother to his sisters and little brother.

'Kitarongge' Afiq...

Happiness

2008-06-06T01:14:00.000-07:00

Tonite there will be a private dinner in appreciation to the long service of our xGMD. For the past 39 years he was with the company. He joined the organisation in 1969 and has been with the company ever since. The company was establish in 1967. He was involved with the company's activities from its infancy. We are talking about walking history here. When i first joined the company in 1997 he was very supportive. I was a one person department and he make sure I got all the assistance that I need to do my work. As the time goes by I begin to learn about the man and he can be very difficult. there were times where our opinions differ and sometimes tempers flared. But taking things positively, I learn the hard way. It was something that I'm not used to but I take it as part of growing and learning. No grudge that's for sure. People wonder why I have no grudge. I ask the same thing...

Apa dah jadi?

2008-06-05T01:58:00.000-07:00

Malaysia has becoming such an interesting place to stay. You can watch sensational dramas in the newspapers everyday. The politicians are bickering with each other. There seem to be never ending story with our elected leaders. This MP is not in agreement with that MP from the opposition party, Mukriz la, KJ la.. Karpal Singh la.... We the rakyat are caught in the middle and sometimes we end up arguing with family and friends when we take sides on hot issues. But the fact remain, those politicians are politicians and these people are professional actors! They fight in front of the camera during Dewan Negara prosidings but very buddy-buddy when the live telecast is over. They can have nasi lemak, kari kepala ikan and sembang like nothing happened. We the rakyat are deceived. It is not fair to us... We the rakyat just want to live in a peaceful country where the people are so nice with each other, feed our family, go holidays (can only afford local destinations anyway) once in a while. But right now, with all these fights you see everyday, petrol price hike, toll hike, rice price hike, the Cheras Toll fight....what is happening to us???? Can't we live harmoniously? Kena gaduh baru seronok ke???? I think all of us dah jadi macam budak-budak... If all of us have become children....who are the adults? kalau yang tua dah jadi budak, siapa yang jadi orang tua?

GK 3

2008-05-23T01:11:00.000-07:00

My long over due entry of my exausting yet educational climb to Gunung Kinabalu.

Before anything else, pose gagah untuk convince myself that I can do this and reach the peak of Kinabalu

The morning of the climb. Full of activities. Semua bangun, mandi and quickly assembling our stuff for the hike and puttting aside those we are leaving in the locker at the Park. Me and Carrie decided to share a porter and all our stuff were into 1 backpack. It is easier and cheaper that way. We share stuff and make no sense to bring the same things. We walked to the reception area of the park with our bags and trolley in tow. Wow!!! the hike has not even started, I felt tired and stressed already. Can’t imagine how its going to be like when we actually go up the trail…

The truth is, I was merely going through the motion. Half excited and half worried. Trying to keep in every detail. Going through the checklist in my mind over and over again. I do not want to go up half the terrain and suddenly…yikes! I left my so…and so….in the other bag and it is in the locker!!!! No tak rela….this is going to be my 1st and final quest to Kinabalu and it better be memorable and I do not want to hamper my trip just because I forgot to bring some of my stuff….NO not going to happen.

We weight our backpack and was about 17kg. RM7/kg. In total RM119. Pay when we get down the mountain tomorrow. Fine with us.

So much activities, vans, 4 x 4 vehicles, more vans to ferry the climbers to the starting point of the trail at Timpohon Gate. There were other goups that morning, amateurs, seasoned, old and young climbers, locals and foreigners. All were with one aim, to conquer the peak of Kinabalu. But before anything else, MUST take breakfast. We were advised to stuff in more carbos. We follow whatever advice given to us. Being such rookie. All advice are good advice. After breakfast, back to the meeting point, in front of the registration office of the park. We were given our name tag and wear this at all times. So we took some pictures, more of ‘before the hike’ and hopefully after comparing that with ‘after the hike’ pictures. Maybe we can maintain that enthusiasm and excitement on our faces when we descend tomorrow.

After the normal pleasantries with the guide who is also our porter, off we went into the van and the starting point is getting nearer. I was having goosebumps, big ones! Everybody was quiet in the van…most being first timers seem to have deep thoughts about the trip. As for me, trying to focus on the scenery..appreciating it and embracing the fresh air and beautiful view. Not giving much thought to the emotional turmoil that was in my mind and the ill-feeling in my tummy. No turning back and the only way is to move forward and do it!!! At the starting point, our guide, Francis briefed us a little bit about the trail to the summit. The do’s and the don’ts. Do take a lot pictures. Don’t throw stuff all over the mountain. Have respect with nature. Don’t have your breaks for more than 4 minutes. There was no need to rush as we have plenty of time to reach Laban Rata. Today we only need to reach Laban Rata where we will ascend to the peak at 2 am. Francis and his partner Doina is whom you typically call someone with ‘tulang besi urat dawai’ Small frame but full of energy and extremely fit. They were also carrying 2 backpacks each. They could easily be carrying more than 30 kg each. Mak oi, kuat nye!!!!

GK2

2008-05-02T02:18:00.000-07:00

We meet again for my second posting on my GK climb.

My weekend trips to Batu Caves for so called familiarising myself with the steps of Kinabalu (not really) was equally challenging. My 1st attempt at Batu Caves was scary…not of the monkeys, the citizen of Batu Caves but of my fitness level yang tersangat lah ‘hampehnye’. Fitness level macam ni berangan nak panjat GK? Memang scary and pastinye keje gile….. I told myself. Over and over again I said to myself….Hey…..!!!!!! increase fitness level, better stamina… if you want to reach the peak of GK. I must improve quickly because I see that I might fail in my attempt to conquer GK and I was afraid that my failure will be the joke of my family and friends for generations to come... or at least that was the benchmark I put myself against. Bayangkan being ridiculed by my close friends and family whenever the subject of Gunung Kinabalu crops up and talking about how I failed to conquer Kiinabalu because tak cukup exercise and pancit. That was what I was scared off. Reputation kena jaga woi….!!!!

My 2nd trip mendaki Batu Caves was slightly better and the following weeks, improved a little bit more. Besides Batu Caves, I went to TTwangsa Lake for evening jogs with Carrie. Carrie, a very dear friend. Always encouraging me…always…Carrie hebat….I salute you. Stamina level dia bagus. If only I can have half of her stamina, I’m a happy woman. Though I wanted to go to TTwangsa more often but unfortunately I was not able to do that. Sometimes, I was bogged down with work and kalau pergi pun, dah nak gelap. Safety First must always be our motto.

My fitness level did not improve much but I still took that flight to Kota Kinabalu with Faithhope (FH), Li Li, Rachel, Penny, Khalidah, Melissa on 20th March 2008. My maiden flight to Sabah actually. Never been there and my 1st visit to Sabah was to conquer GK. Don’t play-play, you….

The flight to KK was ok. I spend my time bersembang dengan FH. I came to know things about her that I never knew before. Thank you for sharing. FH and I can talk for hours from one topic to another. Tak rasa langsung the flight which took more than 2 hours bila dengan FH. We laughed a lot too. We noticed the rest of our group were either sleeping or staring out at the clouds. We spent quality time together, catching up with one another and reminiscing old times. I have known FH since the 90’s. We always stay in contact all these years. We also have similar experiences and have this common understanding and stand on certain issues. FH was the culprit who lured me to be part of this GK climb group. Kalau dia tak ajak, sure sampai sekarang dok dengar stori orang lain je about GK. Thank you my friend.

Sampai KK, Carrie and the rest of the team including our team leader, Evie with her husband and 2 of her friends joined us at the airport. From there, we stopped for lunch and beli food stuff for our climb. Kalau ada yang nak tambah. I bought mineral water, some bread to be shared with others. Nak makan dengan sambal tumis ikan bilis which I brought from home, konon la…

After lunch, off we went to Kinabalu National Park. Another 2 hours trip, naik van sewa. The 1st hour, the weather was sunny but as we were about entering the 2nd hour of the trip, hujan all the way….we passed all those smalll towns which I can find in my readings about Sabah. Along the way, jumpa signage, Tamparuli….hey…lagu tu kan? Macam mana ye lagunye…At that time…I was humming to the tune and my mind was going through the steps of those dancers…..apa ya nama tarian tu???? Hampeh betul…tak ingat le plak..Fail…fail….

I enjoyed the view as we were nearing Kinabalu National Park. The view is beautiful. Although I was also enjoying the time with FH none other than bersembang and laughing away, we do stop a moment or two to appreciate the beautiful scenery. Rasa macam nak naik ke Genting je tapi the landscape here is a lot different from Semenanjung. Rasanya 3 kali turun naik bukit and macam nak naik ke Genting but here the mountains are higher and bigger. We see a lot of valleys too. Misty and cold because of the rain. I did try to capture some shots but the camera did not do justice to the actual view. Being there, feeling it and comparing it through captured pictures are so much different. But it gave me the satisfaction of enjoying God’s gift. How it soothes the soul. Kebesaran ALLAH…Savor it my dear friends was the only thing I could think at that moment.

Pemandangan pergunungan yang cukup indah…sejauh saujana mata memandang…bumi menghijau. Here it hit me… keciknye aku ni….. That would be quite difficult to feel sometimes because I’m so used to being the taller and bigger (as in physical structure) than most people I know. Termenong sekejap… I’m such a small part of this big world. Walaupun gitu, we play big role in which will make this world go round. Hish…heavy le plak…

Bila sampai Kinabalu National Park, I took this shot. The mountain nampak gagah dan mencabar ku....

We reached Kinabalu National Park and it was still raining and bila turun dari van, the temperature was cold. Berapa celcius ye? Tak tau le plak tapi cukup la untuk pakai my track top for the rest of the time there. I ni boleh juga tahan cuaca sejuk sebab lemak yang dah jadi pemastautin tetap di sekitar badan ni can make me warm. Tapi di situ, I was wearing the jacket most of the time. We stayed in a dorm for 6. While the rest were busy unpacking, chatting etc, I also tried to relax and lepak a little tapi my mind can’t stop from thinking about what’s gonna happen tomorrow, the 1st climbing day. Don’t know what to expect.

The facilities provided beside the bed and shower are we can also take hot water if you feel like having coffee of a bowl of maggie mee. Cakap pasal shower, have you tried mandi dengan air ais. Ala…macam kalau kita order sky juice kat gerai tu…..macam tu la… and now imagine cukup banyak untuk mandi. Mula-mula ada le air panas masa kita baru-baruu nak basahkan kaki, tangan….and bila kita nak bilas sabun, syampoo and right in the middle of it…Heeyyyyy!!!! What happen???? EEEeeeee!!!!! Sejuuuukkkkkk!!!!!! Mana pegi air panas ni?????…..you have no choice but to continue with the rest of your bath with ice water…..kuar bilik air, terasa kepala kebas, tangan kebas, semua kebas la…masuk bilik, terus bertapa bawah blanket. Panaskan badan kalau tidak, biru kaki tangan. Macam ni agaknye kalau kat overseas kot…bila tak de air panas, kebas….. sebab tu le aku duduk kat Mesia je.

Back to my story…..

Dalam sibuk-sibuk berkemas, ada mamat ni datang kat out dorm, offer urut. Heyyyyy!!!!mamat offer urut???? ok juga kan? sedap sket.... refleksologi le oi!!!! urut kaki je...jangan nak pikir ke lain. dapat longgarkan otot, mana tau esok selamba sket panjat gunung.... all the girls interested nak urut. Kalau kaki je, RM50.00 and kalau add in for neck massage, tambah sket lagi, berapa ntah. I donno coz i did not take that package. Sakit juga refleksologi ni ye... amongst my friends, ada yang rileks je kena urut , ada juga yang mengeliat sampai nak berdiri tahan sakit, silap-silap ada kena sepak kang! Sepanjang urut, Penny and FH yang paling bising. Aduh..sana..aduh sini...muka tak sah citer, herot ada, kerut ada... in the end I paid RM50 and RM10 for transportation. Tadi tak cakap pun pasai transportation fee. So there are 8 of us and everybody had to pay RM10 each for that. Senang betul buat duit. 40 minutes of massage, u can get between RM60 - RM80.

That night, after our reflexologi session, semua lapar but dinner was not included in our package. So, we either cook our own dinner or eat in at the nearby cafe. Kalau setakat maggi mee…alahai…had enough of that during my hostel days that could last me a life time.

Here, coffee house ada tapi you have to walk a little but it closes by 8.00pm. It was still raining as dinner time approached. Evie said there’s a cafe at the entrance of the park. Although kedai tu lebih jauh dari the coffe house, we had to pergi juga sebab perut sedang lapar menggila. Jalan perlahan-lahan dalam hujan renyai-renyai and cuaca sejuk. Berbekalkan torchlight kecil, kami mencari habuan nak isi perut. Sampai at the café, we ordered all the heavy stuff, nasi goreng la, mee goreng la…etc…Although the service was slow, the food was ok la… we all makan and gelak ketawa. Memang bersuka ria je…all girls. Went back to the dorm and we finish unpacking and repacking. We only need to bring yang perlu je for the climb. Food, drinks and enough warm clothings. We had to leave some of our things at the park's office as they provide lockers for that purpose. Bila semua dah settle, i turned in about midnite. Still unable to sleep due to the cold temperature and also the anxiousness about the climb tomorrow. Suspen betul....!!!

Kak Chik 2

2008-04-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

Another poem by Kak Chik. The incident with her friends mesti menyayat hati jika diamati bait-bait pusinye... her farewell dedication...

Dedicated to them
When I'm gone to MARA
When means I'll no more see your 4 faces
Do have the courtesy and grace to communicate at the earliest possible phrase
In that place, your faces no more shall I find
But memories will linger in my mind
The 'type pf friendship' weve together found
Holds on the rest of my time
The winds and the rain for your names they cry
Through these I've bid good bye
With tears that can be survived!
Anyhow dear friends, forget me not....

Kak Chik

2008-04-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

Below is a poem by my second sister. I called her Kak Chik. Kak Chik passed away peacefully on 8 July 1976 in a car accident. I lost my parents in the same accident...Al Fatihah...
I found her note book years back and it is still in my possession. Honestly, sepanjang hayat arwah, I don't know her that well. I was still budak-budak lagi masa tu, main dengan kawan-kawan lebih penting. What I can remember about her is that, dia ni garang, full of anger (don't know for what reason), popular, ramai kawan, head girl, played hockey for her school. She was very good at decorating the house. kalau rumah bersepah, dia akan naik tocang, scream at you to tidy up the place or she would throw all your things dalam tong sampah or buang terus bawah bukit (Masa kecik dulu, rumah kami di atas bukit, or macam busut je sekarang ni. Bukit dah mendap). Well, kalau dia good mood, she will tidy up the house. Kalau dia dalam mood nak kemas rumah, adik-adik jangan kacau, siap le...ada yang kena nanti. She has this strong oriental features. One of my daughters looks like her. When my second daughter was born, I was so moved with her features, oh....how she looks so much like Kak Chik.

The poem below was written by Kak Chik probably when she was getting ready to leave home to further her studies in ITM (now UiTM), dedidated to all her close friends. I don't know what actually happenend between them tapi bunyi macam serius yang teramat.

My Greatest Mistake
I've broke my promise
I've hurt my very best friend
I've dropped an adorable man's pride
I've been egoistic to those I'm known to
I've done something without twice in thinking
I've been a child all these while
Though I know I'm a matured woman
And still I acted so & so
Just don't know for what reason
It came naturally
I'be been praising my ownself, butI've also degraded my ownself
What had I being up to of course.....no reason, I guess
Those were my mistakes
Being involved in it was sure heart-killing!
Never mind, what is done cannot be undone...
Just treat it as a guide for future trials

GK 1

2008-04-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

U can never know how far u can go and how high u can climb until u try. Semua ni cukup tepat for me. The thought for doing it pun dah cukup mencabar for me. A very close friend of mine suggested the idea to me last year. Without hesitation and careful thought, i said yes almost immediately. Bila dah said ok to join her advanterous expedition, mula fikir...whether it would be possible for me to even attempt such feat. Bila dah confirm, mana boleh back off, i would say. Berpegang kepada pesanan arwah mak saudara, 'bila dah mula buat sesuatu, mesti make sure habiskan. Kalau tidak, kita tak dapat tengok hasilnya or else we will wonder forever whether we can really do it'. (takde le campor2 cakap omputih, tapi u know what i mean). Amanat yang dipegang sampai tua. Cuba juga terapkan on my children. kenapa ingat pesanan arwah mak saudara? sebab dia ni lah took us in, kami adik beradik after my parents passed away in a road accident. So, banyak juga lah belajar dengan my aunt sebab dengan mak sendiri tak sempat nak pick up banyak sebab kecik lagi masa tu (itu citer lain).

Nak menempuh and mencuba aktiviti lasak, kena le prepare diri secara fizikal. Stamina kena cukup, tapi biasala, sebab dah lama tak buat aktiviti fizikal macam ni, liat sungguh nak mula langkah pertama. Buat juga la exercise apa yang patut. Woi, bukan main-main punye kerja....nak conquer Gunung Kinabalu! Aje nye gile....!!!!! Bila i told my family about hasrat hati nak panjat GK, diam sumenye...boleh ke? They asked. Are u serious? Tak menggalak langsung (berdetik hati). Tahu le kita ni, dia orang sayang kat kite. tak nak kita buat kerja bahaya macam ni. My brother said "...hish!!! bukan senang oi... " (sambil membelek betis aku, mungkin jawapan ada di situ. Lagi besor betis, or lagi keding betis, tandanye boleh le panjat GK. Always a postive one, my brother said..."Tapi boleh kot...U can do it lah, don't worry". Kita dok pikir, listen to the expert. He would know, after all dah ramai dah dia bawak turun naik gunung ni sebab dia pun banyak buat similar expeditions. Bawak group masuk keluar hutan. Lega juga rasanya bila dengar dia cakap macam tu.

Maka, prepare le kita ni secara fizikalnye for the GK climb. Mula2 pusing2 kat rumah je, later merebak ke KL. Orang kata kalau dapat panjat tangga Batu Caves dalam 4 ke 5 kali, kira macam dah sampai GK la....Iye ke? Kami pun cuba le. With a few friends we conquered the steps of Batu Caves, all 278 (or 276?) steps for a few weekends (almost). setiap kali di Batu Caves, naik tangga tu 2 - 4 kali. The best part is that, sepanjang menjadi warga lembah kelang for the past 30 years, tak pernah jejak sekali pun kat Batu Caves steps, tapi nak panjat GK punya hal, ku gagah juga! When we were at Batu Caves, ramai juga yang turun naik tangga tu. Bukan saja worshippers and tourists, tapi orang2 macam kami, training for something. Tua, muda, budak2, men, women, mat salleh..pun ada. Perhati juga budaya orang India and bagaimana amalan agama Hindu. Well, an eye-opener for me. My 1st attempt to panjat Batu Caves, was a disaster. baru naik separuh, dah nak half dead. later, when descending the steps, my knees were wobling already....tak kan le jatuh tergolek, muka pucat lesi tak usha ceriter la....Penat dan tercunggap. I was gasping for air, my knees were weak and wobling....my face was pale, my finger nails has turned blue.!!!! that was only after getting up half of the steps during my 1st attempt. MY GOD!!!! what am i doing? only half of the steps, and I am already half dead! that really put my thoughts into perspective. "memang kerja gile!" My last physically challenged feat was 20 years ago when I was a ROTU cadet. Today, I'm not fit at all!!!! I have to put in a lot of work into buiding up my stamina. It has been a long time. very long....

2008-04-04T02:05:00.000-07:00

sebenarnye rata-rata kita ramai kawan. Kawan-kawan masa kecik, masa sekolah, kawan masa kat sekolah menengah, kalau duduk hostel mesti ada kawan sebantal and sepinggan. Bila berpeluang belajar lagi, kawan masa kat kolej and lepas tu kawan sepejabat. Boleh kira ke setakat ni? mesti tak terkira! tapi rasanye kawan yang benar-benar sejati boleh kira dengan tangan. Kawan-kawan ini yang will not question your judgement, will always be there to support and take care of you...no matter what. I am very fortunate being blessed with many good friends. Rasanya kena kira dengan kedua-dua tangan masuk jari kaki sekali. (for me anything more than 10, is SO BIG already!!!! and please have the calculator handy, betul kan Yus???). To all my close friends, my buddies....I treasure all of you and each and everyone has their own spot in my heart. each of you give me strength in your own way. Thank you my friends.

2008-04-04T02:04:00.000-07:00

Why the title 'Snapshots of Life'
why do i choose 'Snapshots of life' as the title of my blog? 2 reasons :1. i am an amateur photographer although i have the basics in photography. took that subject in college. amazed with the compositions of photographers and how these professionals can capture a slice of life merely through one picture. my intention is to capture the moments of my life and the life of others whom are very near to my heart and of course issues that are worth mentioning. 2. the very first time i used the phrase 'snapshots' was when my i was to handle a merdeka programme on radio for my former company. My former boss, Allahyarham Encik Azizuddin suggested the title 'Snapshots of yesteryears' and in the programme, listeners were encouraged to call in and share how was life during their childhood days that was no longer in existence. the programme was such a big hit. The listeners shared what was like when they were young and share their loss of the yester years. that phrase 'snapshot' really left an impact and i really understand what it actually meant and Encik Azizuddin, the most understanding and sporting boss ever! i thanked you for coming out with such a meaningful phrase...

2008-04-04T01:45:00.000-07:00

Now what?
So, my very own blog....hmmmm....what to say? what to write??? Being not so internet savvy, it was very challenging for me to reach this stage. All these were through trial and error. Lots of errors!!!!to some, creating own blog is peanut, but for me something to shout about. I told myself one day I will have one and here I am. need to brush up my writing skills anyway. Arwah mak wanted me to become a writer and she gave me her 'nama samaran' (is this the right term?) as my birth name with hope that I would become a writer like her. I hope i will be a serious writer with published titles.