It is up to u

Enjoying my birthday cupcakes, with love from Aida...thanks so much Aida...sedap....

My birthday was on Monday, 23 June. Adding another year to my age. 44 oledi...Haiya!!!! or, only 44??? Either way..it is up to u how u see things. U want to sulk or u want to celebrate? Heeeyyyy!!!! celebrate darling!!!! Celebrate life, celebrate for my loved ones, my children, my family, my friends, U complete me...hehehehhe...

If given the chance to live my life all over again, would I do it differently? Yeah, I might. But not all though. There were regrets, I must admit. But there were also incidents that i would not change for anything. Of course you would want to keep all the good stuff, good feelings and good results. You must take the bad as well, because life is all about learning and enriching one's experience. It is also about memories. If you have no memories, (hey, no memories, would mean amnesia) or maybe not much of excitement in life that would conclude as 'memorable incidents'. Before I got married, I asked my sister, why do people get married? Well, it is for the memories and these memories fill your life. Huh, is that all? I did not get it. I got it now, big time!

No matter which path u take in life (be it for good deed or bad), you will discover that it is u who decide whether u want to be happy or miserable. For example, no matter what the issue is, it is u who decide whether u want to kill that person who has been spreading rumours about u or u would choose to be quiet and lets life takes its course. It is all up to u. If u decide to confront that person, be ready to face all the music, the confrontation, the denials, the lies and more lies. The fact remains that if it is only stories and telling them will make that person popular for sharing so called 'privilledged and juicy gossips', so what? (it is important to be famous nowadays, it seems). People would forget anyway, because it does not concern them. Again, life will takes its course. It is happening now. But then again, you don't spread stories of that person either (if you happen to have some privilledge and juicy stories to share). If you do the same mistake, then stupidity has gain control in your little brain!!! But if those stories are true, then...repent and vow not to do the same mistake again. Another lesson learn, there you go...

My boss advised this to me after an incident at the workplace which left me frustrated, dissapointed and to some extend, bewildered. He said, 'it is up to u to go to a corner and sulk till the end of time. But u can pick up the pieces, strive harder and prove that u are better that what others think'. I was taken aback with the advice at first. To me, why should I? (my ego talking). It was not my fault. If I want to sulk to the end of time, well it is up to me. It is my life after all.

I did not follow his advice. I carried on, bruised, frustrated and unproductive and it was affecting those around me. I was unhappy and it made others uncomfortable. I decided to end all these ill feelings and accept what had happened to me as enriching. I picked up the pieces, strive harder and prove that I'm better than what others think, as what my boss's advice. That decision made it easier for me to forgive. That decision has lifted the burden off my shoulders. It also brought comfort to those around me. No doubt they were sympathetic, but they can't do anything about it. Only I can do something about it. It is all up to me...

Happy Birthday to me...for the 44th time....Yeah!!!!

Kak Chik 3

Kak Chik's collection of poems

GOODBYE

Goodbye darling
We are parting
You know its sorrow to say goodbye
You'll find someone new and she'll be good to you
Darling, I'm leaving
Kiss me one tender love goodbye
I found out just now
I'm in your way somehow
Darling, don't worry
Parting doesn't always means goodbye
You'll be in my memory and I'll miss you
You're just like the star that miss the sky in my heart, goodbye darling
We are parting
Parting beneath the good sky
I don't know when or where
But darling, I'll be there
Goodbye darling, I'll be there


THIS IS GOODBYE

I bade you goodbye
Trying so hard not to cry
We smiled at parting
But could you not see
That we never meet again
I bade you goodbye
And all too soon it's time to go
One last word you heard me say
Then with eyes so full of dews
I turned and walked away from you
Together we were just for a while
Those days now seem so faraway
And yet memories are so dear today
And if it was just yesterday
We may never meet again
But those things
Those little things you have done to me
Will always in a small voice say
There's a kind heart faraway
As years go by....


LIFE STILL HAS MEANING

If there is a future, there is still time for mending
Time to see your troubles coming to an end
Life is never hopeless, however great your sorrow
If you're looking forward for a new tomorrow
If there's time for wishing...then there's time for hoping
When through doubt and darkness
You're blindly grooping
Though the heart be heavy and hurt you
May be feeling
If there's time for praying
There's time for healing
So if through the window there's a new day breaking
Thank God for the promise
Though mind and soul be asking
Of with harvest over there's grain enough for gleaming
There's tomorrow and
Life still has a meaning

THE SOUVENIR

Though I bid you goodbye
I ask you not to sigh
Your loving face never will I see
Yet memories will never be
We spent many pleasant days
Amidst many friends - always
May this countless happy hours
Be a lasting souvenir of ours
Our friendship then will never last
A constant memory of our past
And some day we shall be together
To share our joy with one another

Father's Day and little tremors

Yesterday, anak2 and I celebrated Father's Day with Hi-Tea @Crown Princess untuk ayahnya bebudak ni. Cafe on the Tenth, Crown Princess was fully booked, tapi dapat squeeze my reservation at the last minute. This is the time to ask for help from your frens. Thanks Pak Lah.

The thought of going for hi-teas is to the delight of my children sebab so much food to choose from. On the way to the hotel, semua tak sabar nak makan macam-macam, tapi bila sampai sana, boleh tanya..."nak makan apa ek? Tak tau nak makan apa..." I said, well u can take your time to think it over. As for me I want to serbu the spread.

This is the 1st time we celebrated Father's Day kat hotel. Selalunya kat rumah je...like any other day. Extra special sebab mamanya baru je baik dengan ayahnye after a short cold war. This is like celebrating the end of another disagreement between us. This would probably be our 'don't know how many wars' .....well, that's is what you called a normal union between a man and a woman. Sekali-sekali kena ada tremor sket, cuma the richter scale differs. What ever the level of the magnitude, the making up tu yang penting.... yang dah kahwin tu faham la... yang belum kahwin will soon discover.

nanti i share gambar we took masa hi tea and how ayahnye was grinning from ear to ear di kelilingi anak-anak. mama nya tukang amik gambar je...

Kitarongge...Afiq

me with the boys when sending off Afiq for National Service

My son, Afiq came home from National Service last Saturday. I'm so relieved that he is home, safely. I was a bag of nerves when we found out that he has been shorlisted for NS. I was in denial really hoping that it was just a mistake. But when I saw his name in the NS listing published in the newspapers, I have to face reality. As the weeks goes by, we prepared all his personal needs for the training with a heavy heart. I was worried that he might fall sick there. Will he be eating well there? will he have enough rest? the questions seem to be endless. You see, my son is allergic to medications especially paracetamol. He would develop swollen and red face whenever he had to take paracetamol. There was one time where he was admitted to the hospital because his face was so swollen, we can't even see his eyes. The doctor feared that this would lead to swollen throat as well and difficulty in breathing and that would be very dangerous. When he has fever we can only give him endless 'air badak' and specially brewed chinese traditional herbs. With the newspaper reports on the death of NS trainees, my worry heightened.

But I had to let go sooner or later. I can't display my uncool behavior in front of my family, especially to my husband. If he sees me worry, he would doubly worry...triple even and with his heart condition that is a no-no.

We sent him off in a chartered bus to NS. Destination, Cancun Park, Pasir Mas, Kelantan. My daughter, Atikah was full of tears that day. It came of a surprise to us as Atikah and her brother would quarrel on almost anything and generally they are not very close. Her big brother was clearly moved with Atikah's burst of tears. He hugged her and coaxed her not to cry as he would only be there for 3 months and before we know it he will be back. Atikah said, "Nanti Tikah nak gaduh dengan siapa lepas ni? Abang tak de..." I will remember that scene for the rest of my life. Writing this down today still bring tears to my eyes. How I pray that my children bond with each other. But as usual, there will always be siblings rivalry and squabbling one time or another. But that morning, they reached a moment where whatever difference that they have between them were gone....(momentarily).

"Nanti Tikah nak gaduh dengan siapa lepas ni?...."

Before NS, my son was an introvert, angry boy, like to keep things to himself. Have few friends. His companion when at home is the computer. He would spend hours with it. He is insecure about his physique. He hates his big feet and there were occassions where he wanted to cut off his feet because it was too big and difficult for us to find a pair of shoes for him. he can get quite emo at times. I refuse to accept defeat from my children. I want them to be positive at all times. I want them to see the positive side of things. Things can't be that bad and that is what I want to instill in them. No matter how difficult it is, there will always be a way. We will always on the lookout for shops that offer big sized shoes. No matter where the shop is my husband and I will look for it. But often those biggest size offered were still small for him. I can understand Afiq's frustration. Afiq came home from NS a different person. He bought a present for all of us at home. He used his NS trainee allowance. We don't expect anything from him because as long as he's home, that's all we want. Although it has only been 2 days since he's home, i noticed that he is more responsive, responsible and at least now he can get along with Atikah without the fighting. After witnessing the effect NS on Afiq, I am for NS anytime. (For those who are sceptical about NS should try and send their children there and you will see the difference. I can only say good things about NS and the more of these youngsters go through NS the better).

We visited Afiq At Kem Cancun, Pasir Mas, Kelantan

No matter how matured he is, I still see him as the little Afiq whom throughout his childhood days was a chubby child (all mothers are like that. the children never grew up no matter how old they are). Love to dance to the music of 4U2C. He was 3 or 4 years old then. He is the baby amongst cousins and used to have his cheeks pinched all the time. Now, he is so much taller than them (can't get to his cheeks anymore, too much distance). When he was 3 or 4, his favourite phrase, 'kitarongge' which he picked up from the nursery. When asked what does that word means, his reply was 'kitarongge.... he he..heh ...' so we stopped asking. We went along with the flow...Afiq is not the smartest boy in class. he does not score high marks in his school subjects but whenever I see his face, there is a certain calmness and innocence. I know mothers will see that in the children, no matter what. But this sense of calmness is a lot different with my other children. The girls exudes confidence and they know exactly what they want and Arif, my youngest, well there are a lot to learn about him...he is only 4 yrs old.

Afiq will be taking a course in culinary in July. His interest in culinary was a shocker to us. This is the first time that he expressed his interest. There was no specific area of interest before this. He wanted to be a rapper. I've heard his composition and I don't understand a word of it. But it seems to be popular and circulated amongst his cyber friends.

I hope that I will be able to nurture his interest in culinary and i have explained to him the real world is not as nice and smooth as what you see on TV. What he watched on 703 channel is not the same thing in real life. It will be heat and hard work. You have to start from the bottom and I hope that he is ready for that. My doa is that he will be able to endure it all and survive. Be a good muslim, good son and a good brother to his sisters and little brother.

'Kitarongge' Afiq...

Happiness

Tonite there will be a private dinner in appreciation to the long service of our xGMD. For the past 39 years he was with the company. He joined the organisation in 1969 and has been with the company ever since. The company was establish in 1967. He was involved with the company's activities from its infancy. We are talking about walking history here. When i first joined the company in 1997 he was very supportive. I was a one person department and he make sure I got all the assistance that I need to do my work. As the time goes by I begin to learn about the man and he can be very difficult. there were times where our opinions differ and sometimes tempers flared. But taking things positively, I learn the hard way. It was something that I'm not used to but I take it as part of growing and learning. No grudge that's for sure. People wonder why I have no grudge. I ask the same thing...

Apa dah jadi?

Malaysia has becoming such an interesting place to stay. You can watch sensational dramas in the newspapers everyday. The politicians are bickering with each other. There seem to be never ending story with our elected leaders. This MP is not in agreement with that MP from the opposition party, Mukriz la, KJ la.. Karpal Singh la.... We the rakyat are caught in the middle and sometimes we end up arguing with family and friends when we take sides on hot issues. But the fact remain, those politicians are politicians and these people are professional actors! They fight in front of the camera during Dewan Negara prosidings but very buddy-buddy when the live telecast is over. They can have nasi lemak, kari kepala ikan and sembang like nothing happened. We the rakyat are deceived. It is not fair to us... We the rakyat just want to live in a peaceful country where the people are so nice with each other, feed our family, go holidays (can only afford local destinations anyway) once in a while. But right now, with all these fights you see everyday, petrol price hike, toll hike, rice price hike, the Cheras Toll fight....what is happening to us???? Can't we live harmoniously? Kena gaduh baru seronok ke???? I think all of us dah jadi macam budak-budak... If all of us have become children....who are the adults? kalau yang tua dah jadi budak, siapa yang jadi orang tua?