Hate u ma....

arif is in yr 2. 2nd week of school and definitely there's homework to do. when asked..."arif ada homework?" jawapan biasa, "no ma". mama is not the one easily fooled with that kind of statement from dear son. Checked his bag and all his books. "Arif, ni ada homework...", pointing some of his books. Jom! Dragged him to the table and carry his books and pencil case. Arif is now so muncung cos have to let go his game he was focussing before mama making a fuss about his homework. "mama, the table is so sticky. see...the book cover is stuck on the table," showing mama how displease he was with the situation. No problem Arif, mama said. I spread the table cloth on the table. "no more sticky table. now do your homework!" With that fatal glare and droop at the end of his mouth...."hate u when u are right mama..." I love u too arif. heheheh....

the rest of the session was full of tricks, like...."ma, i cant control myself. my hand is shaking...i cant write...seeeeeee....."(right hands trembling, shaking. his left hand holding his right..) "Arif u watched too much cartoons!Finish your homework!" another fatal stare from dear son...

I am plastic man

Kenapa....kenapa tak suka guna signal? Ramai sungguh motorists kat malaysia ni pemalas, tak suka guna or tak reti guna signal bila memandu. Depa ingat org lain ni mind reader ke? Signal tu bukan pre paid......FREE ok! Sangat geram bila kita tunggu nak melintas simpang, tunggu dia lepas....tetiber belok masuk simpang! Boleh???? Rasanya uols pun biasa terkena. Masa tu sangat wish that im plastic man...stretch my hand and grab him by the neck....on the spot ajar penggunaan asas signal kereta. I dont mind sharing ilmu ni uols....untuk yg bebal2 ni.

Happiness or sorrow is an option

When u r at the lowest in yr life and seems helpless with no way to go, what wd u do? Seek guidance and doa as much as u can for Allah SWT to extend His blessing to you. Sabar and tawakal. Redha. You have a choice to endure it as long as u can or u finds ways to resolve the problems. Learning the value of being patience. Understand the underlying message and appreciate the experience. But then, there must be effort to solve the issue. Sabar is not about berserah saja....mesti usaha cari penyelesaian. Stay positive. Still, only u can make yrself happy and of course, dengan izinNya.

Somehow, looking at life and its packaged sorrows we tend to become angry and asked ourselves, why me??? blaming others wd be another approach when handling dissapointement to ease that sorrow. Denial wd also become an option. But the problem still lingers on. Worrying abt it is eating u slowly bit by bit and soon yr health will be affected. U can talk about it with someone whom u can trust but If u r not the one who prefers talking abt it with others, then what? Then, nothing. Handle it alone and try to stay sane?

There is balance in life. on a positive note, choose to look at life happiness...those joyous and wonderful moments. Dont worry so much. If u spend so much time lingering around negative issues, makes life burdened with sorrow and for all u know u will leave with so much hate and disgust in yr heart. U might 'come back' as a disturbed spirit due to unsettled issues....(who knows)....and seek vengeance at those who brought unhappiness into yr life....(can ar????)


I like this phrase....'life is short....buy that shoes!'

Aku pembayar cukai tegar

Tak pandai cakap pasal politik sebab org politik lagi pandai. Tak pandai cakap pasal ekonomi sebab the economists lagi pandai. Pandai jadi rakyat biasa yang tiap2 bulan kena potong cukai and come april every year kena lagi. Malam ni tgk berita, polis malaysia buat pc on their success cegah edaran shabu worth rm650 juta and ice rm2.5juta. Tu dia! Jutaan ringgit nyah! Itu mak like. Itu news i want to know. Macam ni, tak pe bayar cukai tiap2 bulan for the police to nab the org jahat.

Afdlin and harun masuk umno pun org bising. Keluar pulak paper utusan gitu....kempen populariti la apa lgi. Ramai la take advantage of this kan? Depa ni ramai followers pastinya will bring positive image serba sedikit to image umno yang tak berapa nak relevant dengan the younger generation. Biarla...depa nak declare jadi ahli umno ke apa ke apa ke, yang lain sibuk apasal? Stock market jatuh ke pasal ni? Aku kena potong cukai juga tiap2 bulan. Nothing change, ok. Tapi kalau pemimpin politik kita nak jadi peserta raja lawak season baru ni, itu baru news value! After all depa ni pun banyak buat lawak sekarang....macam sesuai pulak jadi peserta.

Talking about popularity, UPSI semakin popular. Budak2 UPSI yang tgh ngelegak buat demo tu melatah apa pulak? Macam tak cukup kasih sayang depa ni, itu yang kena seek attention. Lagi banyak flash kamera, lagi kuat jerit...lagi banyak lense kamera hala ke muka mamat tu (apa ntah namanya, muka jambu....perangai mcm jam.....) lagi berkobar dia! Kesian sungguh la tak pasal2 UPSI jadi tersangat popular. Insititusi perguruan yang melahirkan ramai tokoh nasionalis kini bergolak dgn budak2 seeking for kebebasan mahasiswa....what the? Bebas mender? Ni peserta lawak berkumpulan yer?Bebaskan diri bayar PTPTN tu dek non oi! Mak bapak suruh belajor adik2 oi....!

Crazy December

Bulan ni, crazy month...work, family and friends.

work - after months of preparation and waiting and waiting for the green light, got it from the minister's office when i was in JB. ok, the launch event will be held in less than 5 days! invitations to be sent, confirmation on venue, the media, the speeches, event, launch gimmick, etc....gila sehhhhh....i am fortunate that i have a wonderful team. everybody knows what to do and the boss was happy with the outcome. the event went well and it received very good media coverage. worth it with the vertigo and all.

family - alhamdulillah syukur kepada Allah SWT. Marsya did well in her pmr, 7As 1B. one subject, she is not happy with the result but mama is delighted and proud just the same. she was crying the nite before, worried and anxious, nervous....u name it! dear hubby and i accompanied her to school but kept our distance. tears of joy from ayah and mama when she shared her results slip. another step to becoming a doctor, dear marsya.

- atikah is still trying to adjust with her new life in UiTM. complaining about the distance she has to endure from hostel to faculty and other classes. not used to using her own 2 feet to move from one place to another. pampered, u bet! mama can only lend her ears. shah alam campus is far bigger and those days, walking is the only way for u to get where u want to go or else how can mama have that slim legs and tight butt...hehehe... (but atikah sure is tanned. she's going to sulk reading this...hahaha)

friends - was in ipoh for some work. ipoh is still the same...they say that ipoh town on some days there are traffic jams...perhaps at the traffic lights...heheh..."hari-hari tak jam, sesekali jam. so much different with KL, hari2 jam, sesekali je tak jam....and that is sangat pelik". took the opportunity to meet friends from former school. methodist girls school, ipoh. the last i met them was in 1978....33 years! long time eh? was there for 2 years before i left for petaling jaya for my form 3 and the rest of my school years. some who attended the gathering still look the same though i cant recall their names. but it was pleasant and we had a blast, tak kira la ingat nama or not. They also cant remember who i was. so....no hal apa....

stopped at the school on way back to KL. i like that warm fuzzy feeling...aahhh...

Wahai pemimpin...

was sharing with anak mami....why does our politicians love to politicitize all issues that ever cropped up in this little country of ours. dari isu pasal agama, sosial, ekonomi...semua la....yang bergaduhnya penyokong-penyokong atau the rakyat. masyarakat berpecah belah, berpuak-puak. dah tak kuasa nak baca paper. itu belum lagi pasal umat islam yang murtad. pasal anak2 Islam tahun satu yang diajar lagu kristian. bila semua are out in the open semua salahkan each other. cabar mencabar, saman menyaman macam makan kacang je sekarang ni. isu tak selesai juga. pemerintah dan pembangkang sama saja. langsung tak boleh berkompromi untuk kebaikan rakyat. sekarang ni ego lebih penting daripada segala-galanya.

sekarang ni nak tanya.......yang meletakkan mereka in power tu siapa??? amanah yang diberikan ialah untuk menjaga kepentingan rakyat bukannya kepentingan kedudukan politik masing2.

jangan buat kami the rakyat macam tak tahu apa-apa. terima saja apa yang disogokkan dalam media, and dont lie to us.

kami perhati, kami timbang, kami nilai...

kami hanya mahu hidup tenang dan tenteram mencari rezeki yang tak seberapa ni (namun alhamdulillah...) di tanah air sendiri tanpa perlu going through our daily lives as spectators to the various dramas by our leaders. perhaps our leaders does not realise this that we the rakyat kini sedang berhempas pulas untuk cuba hidup dalam negeri sendiri, kami yang terus menerus berperang dengan kos kehidupan yang semakin meningkat.

im not a political analyst nor a strategist, but i do have a say and so far im not happy with how this country is being run. same goes with the opposition, the confidence for them is not there yet. if for once, they would stop bickering and finding fault with each other and really work together for the betterment of the rakyat and the country....bukan ke itu lebih afdal? check and balance at its glory.

nilai kemanusiaan semakin menipis agaknya dan nilai ini amat penting untuk seorang pemimpin. kepentingan diri sendiri tidak ada langsung dalam diri. berkhidmat untuk the rakyat dan semuanya dengan tulus ikhlas tanpa mengharapkan balasan. kepuasan apabila dapat membantu.....mungkin nilai ini tak relevan kini.

seperti riak muka seorang pemuda yang dapat saya tonton menerusi rakaman video selepas perhimpunan Bersih 9 julai lalu (tidak pasti bangsanya, namun paras seperti melayu). jalan kini lengang....tiada lagi abang FRU, tiada lagi abang polis, tiada lagi the rakyat yang berarak...tiada lagi kereta polis, ambulans, pancuran air kimia...lengang dan tenang. yang ada hanya la botol-botol air, sampah sarap yang bersepah di sepanjang jalan. pemuda ini, kepala tunduk ke jalan, begitu tekun mencari dan mengutip botol kosong dan sampah di sepanjang jalan dan memasukkan ke dalam plastik yang dibawa bersama atau mencampakkan saja ke dalam tong sampah yang berhampiran, jika ada, bersendirian.....pasti tidak ada pihak yang mengupahnya. pasti juga bukan pekerja dbkl. tapi riak muka yang penuh ikhlas, tekun dan seolah-olah menjadikan tugas mengutip sampah sebagai tanggungjawabnya semata-mata, sumbangan mulianya...semua itu jelas terpancar pada wajah. itu lah keikhlasan sebenarnya, sebagai seorang manusia...

arif posa....bertatih

arif mula belajar puasa tahun ni. last year, zero days. selamba je bawak bekal pi tadika. psycho man-man pun tak jalan. hopefully tahun ni, ada progress sikit.

1st attempt. maka bangunla sahur anak bongsu hamba ni....makan le sesuap dua, dalam pejam. balik sekolah, jelepek...lembik langsung terlelap. ponteng sekolah agama. 5.30, the maid called, mengadu arif nangis2 nak buka posa....."maaaaaa..........arif rasa nak mati ni....." ooii...drama king...tak de Tuhan bagi mati orang yang puasa arif.... "maaaaaa......" nangis lagi...."sayang betul arif, sekejap je lagi nak buka posa....," mama cuba pujuk. arif dah tak mau bercakap, menangis je...all the way. told the maid, bagi arif minum susu and bagi la makan apa dia nak....

arif makan banyak hari tu...

parking oh parking...

saturdays wd normally be my day of melepak at my lepak kingdom at my home sweet home. but anak2 ada plan tersendiri. mengatur itu ini. mama nak itu, mama nak ini. mama, jom pegi sana, mama jom pegi sini....aaaahhhh.....anak2....layaaaannnn...walaupun badan dah angkat bendera putih, berkibar tinggi, surrender.....

sunway pyramid on saturday afternoon. for those of you who are familiar with that shopping complex can imagine the traffic to get there and the difficulty in getting a parking spot. but then....anak2 tak peduli masalah logistik ni. coz, mama is driving...yeaaayyyyy!!!!!

off we went to sunway pyramid on that one saturday afternoon. traffic? Yarabbi...sesak! bergerak macam siput babi! in situation like this i wd normally have this set in my mind that there will be a parking spot for us, easy! Finally reached the parking zone, punyalah ramai kereta berderet, berebut sana sini, simpang siur. but, within 3 minutes, we got a parking spot, tersorok sikit tempatnya, alhamdulillah...set yr mind on it, u get it! insyaAllah. masa nak keluar keta, there was also one more empty spot next to us. other drivers meninjau2, tapi tak mau masuk our parking area. Ajak anak2 buat benda baik that afternoon, walaupun agak biul caranya. we decided to wave to other drivers indicating that empty space. we were practically jumping and waving. Dotter asked, "ma, perlu ke???? dah macam orang gila je melompat and lambai kat parking lot ni???" "Ala sesekali buat kerja gila pun apa salahnya. Niat kita nak tolong, ikhlas." Finally, a driver of one black alphard saw us and the driver smiled and nodded thanking us for our 'crazy' effort. Anak2 kata..."hmmm....that felt good." yup....

fast forward...3 days later. i was late to a meeting and getting a parking spot at Pertama Complex was tough that day. i did not expect it. berapa round dah pusing parking ni????? final round, one gentleman walking to his car and saw me tertinjau2. i was looking at him pleading and hoping his car is nearby. He lightly pointed to his car nearby....Yessssss.....ada parking.....!!! Alhamdulillah.... kami tak payah cakap apa pun. 'bermain mata je.....' Dia pun keluarkan keretanya from that parking space for me to park my cute car.

his car....black alphard.

Rindunya....

pagi tu, isnin...ahli-ahli rumah disekeliling kami sibuk menguruskan keluarga masing-masing. mana yang nak ke sekolah, nak pergi kerja....kereta lalu lalang, bas, van sekolah...sibuk, bising dengan aktiviti seperti hari-hari isnin selalunya. kami adik beradik bersusun duduk di tangga depan rumah. mak dengan bapak bersiap-siap meletakkan barang-barang ke dalam kereta...memesan itu ini dengan anak-anak yang bakal ditinggalkan beberapa hari sepeninggalan ke kuala lumpur menghantar kak cik ke ITM. kak cik dapat sambung belajar dalam jurusan interior design. kak cik memang pandai pasal mengemas rumah, tukar susun atur perabot sana sini, melukis pun tahap hebat, menang pertandingan peringkat negeri. maknanya, terrer le. bukan macam aku, katam lukis orang lidi je. tak pernah ku dengar masa tu ada kursus macam tu. maklum saja baru darjah 6, tahu apa pun? "mak nak ikut..." aku merengek dengan harapan dapat menjejakkan kaki ke KL. 'hish...kamu ni, bukan nak pergi main kat sana", mak melarang..."alaaaa...boleh le mak, tuang sekolah dua hari je...tak pernah pegi kelumpor." aku cuba lagi. mana tau mak tukar fikiran. "udah le...kamu dah le tak pegi sekolah hari ni. nanti kamu dah kerojer esok, boleh pegi kolumpor", kata putus mak...permintaan tak lulus. masam mencuka aku lepas tu. bila agak semua dah selesai, barang-barang tersusun dalam kereta, kami adik beradik bersalam-salaman dengan mak, bapak, kak cik sebelum mereka memulakan perjalanan. "hah, yati...jaga adik-adik kamu tu. mak pegi tak lama. lusa balik", pesan mak kat kakak sulung kami. "ye la.." kakak mengangguk.

aku masih berat hati, lebih kepada menjeruk rasa sebab tak dapat ikut ke KL. lambaian mak, bapak dan kak cik kepada kami yang masih bersusun di situ, di tangga rumah.

kakak dan beberapa rakan kak cik yang masih tinggal menyambung kerja-kerja mengemas, sisa daripada kenduri doa selamat malam tadi. pinggan mangkuk yang hendak dicuci, keadaan rumah yang masih berselerak. semua ada tugas masing-masing dan kedengaran sesekali gelak ketawa di antara mereka. aku, melayan fikiran sendiri, membuat apa yang patut. bukan pandai pun pasal kerja-kerja rumah ni sebab kakak ada. setakat tolong angkat itu ini selepas disuruh kakak. lebih baik pergi belakang rumah, kait mempelam, lagi sedap. pokok mempelam dengan buah-buah yang sedang meranum. antara yang terbaik pernah ku rasa sepanjang hayatku. boleh cicah dengan kicap nanti. "uissshhhh....kecor ayor lior."

"assalamualaikum", kedengaran beberapa kali suara seorang lelaki memberi salam. aku menjenguk. kelihatan dua orang anggota polis di tangga. "dik, nak tumpang tanya, ini rumah Cikgu Ghazali?" aku mengangguk. "ada sesiapa orang tua di rumah? mak saudara ke? siapa ke?" "tak de. kakak ada la", aku menjawab. "tolong panggil kakak la". aku terus berlari ke dalam mendapatkan kakak. apa yang bakal dikhabarkan kepada kami adik beradik oleh dua anggota polis selepas itu, mengubah hidup kami dengan sekelip mata. hanya kurang dari tiga jam tadi, kami telah mencium tangan mak, bapak, memeluk erat kak cik. kini, mereka telah tiada. mereka kemalangan dengan lori yang membawa motosikal di tanjung malim. mak dan bapak meninggal dunia di tempat kejadian. kak cik....koma, dan meninggal dunia tiga hari kemudian.

hari ini, 5 Julai 2011, genap 35 tahun mak, bapak dan kak cik meninggalkan kami. setiap hari ingat kepada mereka. mak dengan spek mata rim hitam, kebaya kota bahru pendek, berdiri di belakang meja kerja di kedai jahitnya. bapak dengan kereta mazda hijau, berspek gelap, rambut tersisir rapi, segak dan bergaya. kak cik....berang bila rumah bersepah, mewarna lukisan dengan tekun, geram membelah bamboo dengan parang bila ukirannya tak menjadi seperti yang dia mahu....haih..rindunya...

semoga roh mak, bapak dan kak cik ditempatkan bersama-sama orang-orang yang mukmin.

Al-Fatihah....

Sangat la melting nyer

"Arif u got homework today?" my daily question to Arif, my youngest. He is in Year 1.

"Yes", he said.

"Pegi la buat homework". Cuba pujuk dengan nada paling lembut dekad ini.

"Ala mama, buat homework, so tired la ma..." anak cuba berdalih. Sangat selesa melepak dengan mama on the bed, snuggling his mama.

"U know what Arif, your class teacher said, Arif ni nakal, selalu tak buat homework". Anak diam bila dengar bonda yang penuh kasih sayang ni berbicara.

"and your teacher said, if Arif does not do his homework, she is going to denda mama and ayah". Anak diam lagi.

"Your teacher said, she is going to let mama and ayah stand in the hot sun. U know how hot the sun is kan?" anak mengangguk tanda setuju.

"You and my father will melt", he said.....

"yes my son, we will melt."

Arif bingkas bangun turun ke bawah and reached for his books. Buat homework. Minutes later, "Ma, homework dah siap!"

hmmm....that seems to work. Alhamdulillah....