Wajah

Mak dan bapak meninggal dunia when i was 12 years old. When u were at that age,  nothing really matters except having fun with friends, school, playing with friends, all in that order. Masa tu tinggal di kampung yang rata2 sangat seronok untuk disukat bersama2 rakan sebaya.  i was very active menyukat kampung and there were cliques of similar interests. Lebih gemar di luar rumah daripada berada di rumah. Lebih seronok apa....if at home kena buat kerja rumah.  Aaahhh...bosan lah! Lagipun kakak chik asyik marah je.  Mak dan bapak pulak tak de kat rumah, asyik kerja je.... That was my routine until that fateful day.

Mak dan bapak left us with nothing.  Perabut lama, pakaian yang mana ada, makanan di dapur setakat    bersisa kenduri malam sebelumnya.  Lain2 kami tak tau.  Mungkin kakak tau, dia dah besar masa tu. Dah belajar di ITM.  Kami semua sekolah lagi.

After their funeral, we stayed with Mak Yah.  She was the only aunt who was willing to take us all in. (Semoga rohnya tenang dan diampun segala dosa2nya serta ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 beriman, Amin)   The rest of our relatives wanted us separately.  As for me, nobody wanted, orphanage potential. But then it was ok for us as we had no other option.  We just went with the flow, to survive.

Staying with Mak Yah was not easy.  The difficulty made me miss mak so much.  Never really realise that u needed your mother until she was gone and she was gone in an instant. Never had the opportunity to say good bye, get to know her better, as a person, her likes and dislikes, her plans... For many years, whenever  im outside, in the crowd, i wd be looking for her.  Mana la tahu, kot2 dia dan bapak ada terselit dalam ramai2 tu.  kot2 they are still alive and perhaps yang meninggal tu orang  lain...maybe depa pakat dgn some ppl to stay away from us because we have been naughty. Mana la  tau kan?  I know it was just a child's version of in denial...

In Mecca...during my umrah...i was praying hard for that opportunity to see mak again.  That hope i carried when i was a child, i took it with me to Mecca. I have heard stories from the holy land that ppl have met long lost friends, saudara mara...di sana....dengan IzinNya...Ya Allah... Yes...nata melilau whenever selepas solat bila dalam ramai2 crowd...bila nak balik hotel, dalam masjid....Dalam diam, berharap dan berdoa semoga diberi peluang untuk menatap wajah mak sekali lagi di sana. Sekejap pun jadilah...

Tanpa disangka, mata berhenti di satu wajah yang seiras wajah yang ku cari sudah bertahun2....hanya sekilas tapi itulah wajahnya...Wajah mak ketika mudanya...bentuk wajahnya, matanya...hidungnya...itu la dia, .terkejut...teruja...gembira,  badan ku seram sejuk, jantung berdegup laju.  Allahu Akbar !!!! Syukur yang teramat...rindu ku pada mak terlerai pada saat itu......ingin ku kongsi kegembiraan dgn kakak yang duduk berhampiran..elok aku memanggil kakak untuk menoleh ke arah sama, wajah mak hilang bersama2 jemaah lain...aku hanya mampu mengalirkan air mata.  'Kenapa?' Tanya kakak.....Aku hanya mampu kata....."mak"....yang lainnya hanya air mata yang mampu menggambarkan perasaan ketika itu.  Kakak diam saja....

Al-fatihah....